Dummies Guide to the Human Body



    Where would we be without our skin

    It always fits whether we're fat or thin

    It keeps us dry in any weather

    Can be soft as silk or tough as leather

    It comes in shades of brown or pink

    And dries in the sun which makes me think

    The only thing about skin that displeases:

    We can't take it off to iron the creases.


    Fingers hold your sandwiches

    And fingers scratch your head

    And fingers pick your nose

    When you're lying in your bed

    Fingers play piano, trumpet or guitar

    And fingers make rude gestures

    When you're driving in your car

    So don't cut off your fingers

    They do useful stuff for you

    And you might find your lover

    Enjoys your fingers too

    But if you let your knife slip

    Because you are in a hurry

    Fingers are quite tasty

    If you cook them in a curry

Those Private Bits

Men and women have different bits.

that walk around with us all day

Women's bits like to stay out of sight

But men's just get in the way.

Women are neat and well finished off,

Their bits are a pleasure to own.

Men's get tangled in pubes or trouser zips

They're a bit of a disaster zone.

Women don't bother about their bits,

So long as they're clean and smell nice.

But men will treat their equipment like cars.

They're obsessed with performance and size

Women must know all about men's bits

To stimulate, arouse and give pleasure

But few men are fair to their women

And repay them measure for measure

When it comes to the female anatomy,

The elegance of its design

Lets men go through life with the attitude

What's out of sight stays out of mind.

Click here for trance-style-ey version of this poem

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