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The Bash Street Politicians - Labour's Top Strategists.
Anthony "El Captainomundo" Blair and Beefy Prescott, two leading politicians of The Bash Street Kids Party are discussing how they can shrug off the legacy of Old Labour and winf the support of Mr. Richie Bastard in the election.

Bash Street Politicians
by Ian R Thorpe
2006-05-05
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: science, scientists, intelligence, mouse, snacks, research, crocodile, lligator, reptiles, saurian, human, humour, humor

On Site Report from our Chief Ectoplasmic Office, water spirit Jenny Greenteeth who has been investigating reports that senior Labour politicians are reall The Bash Street Kids gown up.

As we join Jenny she is reporting live from her post lurking in the River Thames, just below the terrace of the House of Commons, where the inner children of two leading politicians, Beefy Prescott and Tony ďCapitanomundoĒ Blair are fishing for tiddlers.

Beefy:
Itís a fookiní disaster Tone, if plug Clarke and Bossy Hewitt hadnít fooked up it would have been bad, but itís a fookiní disaster.

Tone:
Its not their fault, it your fault, you had to go playing with girlies.

Beefy:
It werenít me, I Ďad a quick shag, thatís not like losiní a cuppla Ďhundred criminals.

Tony:
Itís worse; perception is everything.

Beefy:
Isnít

Tony:
Is...

Beefy:
Isn't...

Tony:
Is, is, is! The public will put up with most things but not shagging. We lost hundreds of seats through you.

Beefy:
It werenít me, I arenít takiní tí blame. If you adnít got us inter tí war weí of got away wií it.

Tony:
Well we will just have to spin our way out of it.

Beefy:
Spin! Spin! Spinspinspin! Thatís all you can do, spin. Call yourself Capitanomundo, huh. Well you canít spin your way out of this one. You are finished as Capitano, Fat Gordy will take over.

Tony:
Yeah, him and whose army. I can spin anything.

Beefy:
Not this time you canít. Weíre fooked.

Tony:
Is it really bad this time? How fucked are we?

Beefy:
Iím fooked, youíre fooked the party is fooked and everyone thinks everything is a fook up, weíre fookiní fooked.

Tony:
Thatís pretty bad, but letís look on the bright side, the Bastards party did well.

Beefy:
And thatís good is it. They want to fook us even more.

Tony:
Maybe, but I did a deal with Mr. Richie Bastard who owns the Bastards party. Look here he comes now with a big smile on his face.

Beefy:
I donít like the look of that.

Richie Bastard:
Hello boys, I must say itís a wonderful day for me, things couldnít be better

Beefy:
Are you Ďappy because socialism is fooked?

Richie Bastard:
Socialism has been fucked for years John. No, Iím happy because I have my own political party who do what I say.

Tony:
My party used to be like that.

Beefy:
Aye, Ďtil you started sucking up to the rich b - ouch!

Richie Bastard:
Yes, but the extreme right have been on the fringes for a long time because you and the Tories followed populist policies. Now alienated the public are totally alienated from mainstream politics my party are the natural home for the protest vote. And its all thanks to you smart lads. Hereís a fiver each to get yourselves a slap up tea.

Beefy:
Booger me, it used to be Ďarf a crown when I read the Dandy.

Tony:
See, Iím not finished yet. If we stay in power forever and keep sucking up to Mr. Bastard and his friends one day we will be as rich as he is. Iíve always wanted to be rich and have rich friends who drive Rolls Royces and live in castles and who can kill people they donít like and do horrible things and when people ask why did you do that they say because I can. Donít you want to be my megapowerful deputy capitanomundo who is stripped of all his powers except for ermÖ.well something.

Beefy:
Fook that, Iím off títí greasy spoon to get a big pile oíchips wií loads of sausages sticking out, like in the Dandy. Some of us respect Labour's working class traditions tha knows.

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