Alistair Darling's Buds Of May
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May says Shakespeare's sonnet but will Alistair Darling'd Budget survive the rough winds of ridicule. This satire compares the chancellors attempts to get the economy back on track to the futility of the Large Hadron Collider experiment in that the people in charge of the experiment do not really know what they are trying to do.

Creative Commons: Some rights reserved (non commercial, attrib, no derivs.
All reproductions in whole or in part should link to Greenteeth Multi Media Productions http://www.greenteeth.com/index


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February 2020


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Domestic coal and certain types of wood are to be banned from sale from next year in a bid to cut air pollution, ministers will announce on Friday.

Macron Vows to Fight ‘Islamist Separatism’ with New Reforms

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Corona Virus: Should We Worry
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The Islamic Republic Of France
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Clinton Kill List To Determine Who Will Be US 2020 Presidential Candidate?
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January 2020

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US Democratic Party Orders Google To Spread Globalist Propaganda
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The grooming gang cover-up is Britain’s real racism scandal

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French Intellectual Jailed for Calling Mass Immigration an “Invasion”
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Police Failed To Act Against Muslim Grooming Gang Due To Fears Over "Community Tensions" A new report based on the evidence of former Grester Manchester Police Detective Constable Maggie Oliver acknowledges that the force failed to stop dozens of girls being groomed and sexually exploited by a network of Pakistani men despite being fully aware of what was happening due to fears over creating “community tensions.” The report notes that the instruction to avoid prosecuting came "right from the top ..."

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Greta Thunberg Slams Australia for Coal Industry, Expands List of Climate Demands
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Macron Digs In Against The General Strike, But Could It Finish Him?
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Alistair's Darling Buds Of Recovery Vaporised In Labour's Economic Large Hadron Collider?

Ian R Thorpe

April 24, 2009

Has it struck anyone else as day after day the economic news gets worse that the meltdown got really serious about the same time as thefuckwitted geeks who live in a hole near Geneva switched on their Large Hadron Collider? We are supposed to think it is just coincidence but it should make people ask questions

On Wednesday, six months after "Flash" Gordon Brown announced he was saving the world the task of making the sums add up following Brown's bank bailout fell to Alistair Darling and his animated eyebrows. This man is totally out of his depth as finance minister in the world's fifth largest economy but he would be a sensation on Britain's got talent. Never mind the fat bloke who does Michael Flastley impressions, Darling's eyebrows are more mobile than the entire Riverdance ensemble.

Having talked about sightings of green shoots of recovery at least once a week since February, the Chancellor knew as he delivered his April budget speech he had to turn these shoots into swelling, bursting Darling buds of May. Unfortunately the pans he announced have already been shaken by rough winds of indifference. It is not possible to spend our way out of recession when we have already spent our rainy day money on New Labour vanity projets, Blair's five wars and failed Information Technology schemes.

At this time of year we should be sailing a broad reach rather than struggling to stay on course as hostile currents drive us towards a dangerous reef (British writer's obligatory nautical metaphor) so why does nobody seem to have a clue how to get out of this worsening situation?

If you cast your mind back to the Large Hadron Collider, the machine that physicists hope (or rather hoped because they have backed off from their most ambitious claims,) will unlock the secrets of the Universe, the whole $6billion experiment is based on guesswork. Even if the machine had worked perfectly the scientists could not have know if what they were observing is what happened a billionth of a second after the Big Bang even if we allow them to assume the Big Bang happened. The Universe is to big and too old and too complex for us to understand. Scientists must learn a point is reached at which they have to accept "that's the way things are," When Thomas Edison was asked how electricity worked he replied "it works." So far nobody has bettered that but we have learned to control electricity and use it in thousands of beneficial ways. The LHC did not work so what do the scientists do? They persuade participating governments to spend a few billion more on it. The cost is justified by a promise that once it works it will do lots of useful stuff but nobody actually knows what...

Like the Universe of which we can say "it works" the global economy works if it is left to its own devices, it just became too big and complex for one person or even a few people to understand. Even so the politicians tried to control it just as the scientists try to control nature. Both acts of hubris inevitably have disastrous consequences.

Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling in Britain, like Barack Obama and Timothy Geithner in the United States came up with schemes that effectively amount to printing money. This if a fairly novel approach across the ocean but here in Britain it has been tried many times always by Labour governments whose ideologically led economic policies had led the nation to the brink of bankruptcy. The approach has always failed.

Both the British and American administrations have tried the same trick to mask their cluelessness. Cosmetic tax cuts for the poor, cosmetic tax increases for the rich. With a 175billion black hole in public finances Darling's 50% tax rate for the top 2% of earners will raise just 3billion. Similarly Obama's slashing of departmental budgets in his government will save $100 million.

Alistar Darling's confessional budget forced him to go close to making a full admission of how bad things really are throughout the global economy. The most disturbing point to emerge from statistics he revealed is that there is a 45billion back hole in government finances. 45 billion cannot be accounted for, nobody knows what it was spent on or who spent it, the money just leaked away. It may even have been vapourised.

Apparently there is a similar but proportionately bigger hole in America's state finances.

What is going on? A well publicised risk of the Large Hadron Collider was that it might create mini black holes that would start to neutralise the matter around them. That is theory, the reality is at the lowest level the hole in the ground under Geneva in which the collider is housed is a shaft that leads down to the earth's molten core, a firey pit. At the top of this pit are two dwarves dressed in gimp masks and black leather codpieces secured with elaborate arrangements of studded straps. Endlessly they shovel money into the firey pit. OK I inserted the gimp masks and codpieces because I like Hieronymus Bosch style surreal images, but the rest is feasible.

The fact is governments have lost control of their finances. Like the Large Hardon Collider the global economy has been built on theory. Nobody understands what is really happening and so instead of the big picture thinkers whose strategies guide nations with detail devolved to local government, we have a generation of control freaks running our nations, centralisers, hierarchy people who ignore the big picture and try to micromanage the minutae of people's lives. The Corporate State.

Now while Darling is reheasing a new routine with his animated eyebrows, Gordon Brown is practising a smile that makes him look like Jabba the Hutt and Obama is being programmed for his next cycle now the Tour Of Tyrants is ended, if we can just intercept some of that money that is leaking down towards the firey pit, we can all forget the rought winds of economic incompetence and go live in a tax haven.

The Darling Buds Of May (Sonnet 18, William Shakespeare)


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