READING

JANET:
Well my sweet, it looks as though you have finally caught me. Ouch, that rope is a bit tight. Actually, you are the only person on the planet that I would do this for, you're the best Ian. Are you happy now? hahahaha OK, onto the interview.

PLT:
I'm very happy that we have finally roped you in and tied you down Texas lady. When do I get to put my brand on your thigh? I've seen the John Wayne films ;-) OK, the interview give me a few seconds. Aroogh, harumph, hurrrgh. There, I've got my serious head on now. When the invitation to do this interview was broached you were initially a bit reluctant because you have not written much new material for, it must be about three years now. One of the things about writing for a web audience is it does seem to put pressure on people to write and post every day. I see people complaining they have writers' block because they have not produced anything new for a week. Now before you went into your quiet period (and we will come back to the reasons behind that later,) your output was quite prodigious. Do you think the web's insatiable appetite for new material eventually becomes counter productive, that writers burn out and need periods of regeneration?

JANET:
I don't mind writing for an on-line audience when I have something to say. Lately my hands have been tied (by you, haha) and I do not feel the least bit creative. It has nothing to do with the pressure to produce for an audience who doesn't really get me anyway, it's more to do with my manic-depression. I NEED to be manic and I can't seem to get there. I have been in a funk for quite some time. I no longer feed on the public's adoration, however, I do like, no I love being manic. I can work round the clock. I am sure that others feel the pressure or the need to produce for other reasons, not me. I really feel kind sad for them not pity, just a sadness. It's taken some time to develop a tough skin but in this business you have to. I had to. However, it does not give me or anyone else the right to be hateful, or critical of the person rather than the work. I don't really get that.

PLT:
Much as we love your writing, while you are getting back into the swing we would all rather you took it in very short steps. Moving on from your prodigious output, let's look at the other prodigious aspect of that phase of your career. You were prodigiously popular at Authorsden when I joined in 2001 and for several years after that, in fact your popularity and the way such a wide cross section of people seemed to find inspiration in your work is partly responsible for my assertions that there is a huge potential audience for poetry that speaks to people about their lives and emotions and is promoted properly. Can you tell us why you think your work was so popular and perhaps share a few tips on how to gain a loyal following with your fellow poets here at Poetry Life and times?

JANET:
On the first part of the question, I was really naive when I got into on-line publishing, so I read everyone and commented with the hope that they'd read me. It did work, I developed a following. However the thing that I cringe about is that I am a terrible critic and cant give them constructive criticism. I leave that to the experts. So any time anyone needed a read or a comment, I was there. It was to lift them up, so many people got criticised and that's really mean. With everything that I was doing it was starting to take a toll on my own work so I had to cut back, I was exhausted. Now, I usually comment on the people that I like, their work or them.

I also think that people enjoyed seeing my downfall, my descent into madness on their screens. Along with the literal blood-bath that followed. Some couldn't wait to see where I'd go next. Also, I write with a raw, no holds barred attitude. I have always despised sugar coated poetry. I'd rather gouge my eyes with nails.

In defence of some, they really cared for me and still do, I love them, they know who they are. American society feels the need to fix everyone (look at the war and fixing broken people), it's a national past-time. Most of us including me are touchy, feely people, wants everyone to be happy BUT happy in a way that suits the majority. That's terribly wrong and I have been guilty of this. In the states there is a phony kindness, especially the south where I live. When people reach out to me and are as phony as Santa, I want to scream. True kindness is beautiful but don't try to snow me, I'm too old.

PLT:
Another milestone for you was the publication of your book, Five Degrees To Separation which marked Authorsden's attempt to move into publishing. Unfortunately AD were overtaken by the advent of PoD sites like Lulu.com and your book is no longer in print. I do intend to do something about that for you, but for now perhaps you can tell us about the experience of being published and of course the downside, the envy and resentment of a few fellow writers. I recall chastising one clique whose criticisms of the book strayed way over the line into personal abuse. It would also be good to have your views on the way a certain element of web users seem to think that being in the cyber dimension rather than the real world excuses them from normal standards of civilised behaviour. As you and I have seen some of the more fragile spirits among our on-line friends driven away by cruel and unjustified abuse, do you think it is time for some kind of regulation.

JANET:
When Matthew approached me, it was a great time for me. I was highly manic and writing daily though not always on-line. He told me that my readership was 'off the hook', not those exact words but the number at the time was huge. I was really very excited and felt as though somehow I had been validated. It took a lot more time and work than I had thought. I didn't sell as many books as Matt or I had hoped for but it was a start. Neither Matt or myself purchased a 'real ISBN#' so I could not sell in stores, Amazon or anywhere else except AD.

I did a radio interview which went well and met some interesting people due to the book. In all fairness this was a first for Authorsden and myself so I am not at all angry, I am forever grateful to Matt and Authorsden. With that experience I have learned a few things. I signed a contract with AD and have honoured it and now I own all of my work and AD has no interest in it. It also gave me exposure which caused problems at Authorsden.

I remember one incident at the round table with a gentleman called David. He and his cronies were really ugly to me and thanks to you (Ian) he shut his fat mouth. Little did he know but I was approached by AD and asked if I wanted him kicked off the board, I declined. Let him rant. I couldn't believe all the people that were so jealous of my book. They were really mean. On the other hand the authors who had their own books also came to my defence and support. I have always been happy when someone succeeds at anything and the abuse was disturbing. This is the time that I developed thick skin.

The way writers can be so bitchy to each other used to surprise me but I guess there is a bitch inside each one of us. There were always arguments running on the discussion boards at Authors Den and people would form into little gangs and start yelling about what people were and were not allowed to say. Some of it came close to bullying. It seemed from my perspective though that those with little talent had most to say about what others should and should not write. The good writers let their work speak for them.

PLT:
Returning to Five Degrees to Separation and the title poem on on p 148, it refers to an aspect of your childhood. Anyone who has read the book or your poems will know how childhood experience affected your life and informed your writing. I know you have talked about this many times but forPLT readers who are not familiar with your poetry perhaps you could tell us briefly about your early life and how it has influenced you ever since?

JANET:
Childhood is a raw subject for me. My Mother was 29 and pregnant with me, had three boys, my Father left us and she married my step-father who later adopted me. He sexually abused me, beat my brothers, even my disabled brother and I hated him from an early age. If you have seen the movie Forrest Gump, I am Jennie. Especially the part where she runs into the corn field with little Forrest escaping her Father's wrath and praying "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly, fly far, far away". As I grew up, I was also like Jennie, wild as an ace. My only stability was my brother Michael who died when I was 21. I really went crazy for the first time. I lost ten days during that time and still can't remember what happened. It's probably best.

After Michael died, I started drinking heavily and got my first DUI at the age of 27. I slept in empty houses, beer gardens and did a lot of couch surfing, even though I owned my own home. I just didn't want to be there. Eventually, it led to two DUI's back to back, a car accident and the loss of my driving privileges. Your question asks about the book title though. Yes, it does refer not just to my childhood but something that has followed me through life. Throughout all my trials and tribulations I have found security in the number five. When stressed or fearful I would count my fingers over and over. I don't know why, maybe I felt so long as there were five fingers I was still in one piece mentally and physically. I know you are grinning Ian because you think its kind of cute, but believe me there were times that crazy obsession was the only thing between me and the darkness.

PLT:
Grinning with watery eyes when I think of it Jan. I remember your accident and the health problems that followed. I was on pins for about six weeks wondering what had happened to you. DUI? Ditzy, Unconventional, Intelligent or Driving Under the Influence? Now it is not really anything to do with poetry, but I'm sure readers will be interested to know how things were resolved in January this year and as much of your writing draws very directly on personal experience it will help people unravel some metaphors when they read your work. Anyway, everybody loves a recovery story, so the floor is yours...

JANET:
On January 13th of this year, I had a liver transplant and I feel physically good, mentally bored. I am grateful to be alive but feel bad for the gentleman who lost his life. During the surgery my arms were tied down and somehow I have nerve damage from my right shoulder to my elbow. I have done some physical therapy but it can only help me so much so I have quit attending. I can put my hair in a pony tail now and that's huge.

PLT:
A pony tail? Do you wear bobby sox too? Nerve damage sounds bad and I know it takes forever to repair. With my experience of rewiring nerves I can maybe give you some advice offline. Or maybe I should come over and administer some Intensive Personal Therapy ( dinner in a classy restaurant for example)...<
> But an operation like that is huge, its going to take a long time to get over. I'll pass on the advice I was given after my stroke, "don't expect too much of yourself too soon."

JANET:
I can guess what kind of therapy you have in mind. But you are right, it was a huge trauma to my system and after feeling so lousy for so long as my liver gave out I am impatient to get on with my life. (and I want to tell you everyone, I once told Ian my skin had gone really yellow and he said he didn't mind as he had never had an oriental girlfriend. You thought he was a charmer, Puh!)

I still tire easily, I wake up every morning feeling good but as the day drags on, I tire out around 2 PM. That is very frustrating because, I really like to be on the go. The anti rejection drugs that I take have highs and lows. One of the meds called Prograff (6 caps) causes back pain which I have more or less gotten used to. I no longer take pain meds. With my personality that is an addiction waiting to happen. Another med is Cellcept (4 caps) which causes nausea. I am on top of that with another pill. It makes me laugh. Pills, pills, causes brain spilzzzzzzz.

Did I tell you about the problems I was getting before the op though? The scariest was short term memory loss' which I still experience but not as bad since my transplant. The memory loss was very unnerving. Some days I would tell the same story over and over, then other times, I would be mid sentence and forget what I was saying at all. Also ammonia levels would rise in my blood b/c my liver could not flush out the toxins and it literally made me crazy. I cried all of the time for no apparent reason, was moody and needy. I felt like I was going to go over the edge and never return. Finally the DR's gave me some meds for that and the bad feelings went away. The meds finally cleared the liver toxins.

PLT:
So really you were in a mess, you never told me but I sort of got the idea. I do have a little experience of imbalance in the blood electrolytes as Doctors call it - getting too much crap in your blood in our language, you would have been given some sympathy.

JANET:
I know, but sympathy does not make the problem go away and I don't like to whine. The thing that bothers me the most now is lack of energy and limited use of my right arm. Before my transplant it was much worse. I was always sick, tired and bloating so big that I looked 9 months pregnant. The bloating is called ascites which can occur as a result of a number of conditions, including severe liver disease and the presence of malignant cells within the abdomen. The body retains fluid which left me very uncomfortable. I went to the hospital a few times to have my abdomen drained. I remember one of the times, the DR. drained 7 litres from me. I was then limited to 40 ounces of fluid with no salt to keep the bloating away. It was then that I learned a healthier way to eat, drink and live. I went weekly to sessions with my fellow transplant recipients (pre-surgery and post-surgery) which was good. We did lose someone during that time and it made us all sad and afraid we'd be next. By this time I wanted to live and I was fighting for it. So compared to then, I feel great.

My hope for the future is of course to get out of the war for the sake of everyone. As for me personally, I would love to travel Europe, especially England and expose myself to other cultures and to try to find out what makes them so different from my home in many ways and so alike in others. Are you different? I don't think so but I want to experience it all for myself. Of course, I want to keep writing and maybe this interview will kick-start me.

PLT:
Well I know you like tea, so if you can handle bread toasted on both sides, driving on the wrong side of the road and eating fish and chips insead of burgers you'll be fine.

That chain of unfortunate events has its roots in one of your periods of depression of course so let's turn, if we may, to that topic because I know many of our readers have experienced depression and from it have been prompted to find their creativity. Your struggle (or one of them) was you already said with manic depression, in fact I used to tease that I wanted you manic all the time because you were such fun. But seriously, not so long ago the writer, actor and comedian Stephen Fry did a T.V. documentary about his manic depression and concluded that with the benefit of fifty years life behind him, if he was offered a cure he would refuse it, because what society has been conditioned to see as an illness is in fact part of everything he is and were he not bipolar he might not have achieved many things that have given him most satisfaction. Some of your poems such as Minimize (p 88) suggest you share that attitude to some extent. Many creative people seem to experience problems of this nature though, so how would you say bipolar disporder has affected you for good and bad; is the drug therapy too great a price to pay for stability and what personal strategies have you developed for coping. Your poem Pancake Girl (p58) which I read as being the emotional flatlining of a person on medication, seems to suggest Fry has a point.

JANET:
I completely agree with Mr. Fry, mania is better than sex. During mania my mind digs deep and pulls out some things that I forgot were there or never knew. I guess one example would be my poem 'Most Recent' (see review) I am constantly thinking about a lot of things at once but when I am manic, I can handle it with ease. My writing during those times are my best, the others are so-so. I can handle closet cleaning, laundry, cooking, friends, writing and emergencies etc. without any trouble during mania. On the other hand when the depression creeps in it's good for writing for awhile but if it gets too bad, I don't write at all, don't want to go out, nothing. It's all too overwhelming for me, even going to the mail box is hard. It is then that I retire to my bedroom, shut the door, screen calls, completely shut down. During one such episode, I took a bottle of pills and wound up in the hospital. It wasn't the first time either but I am hoping it will be my last. It took a huge toll on my son who is now 29 and I never want to do that again.

At this time, you are right, I am the epitome of 'Pancake Girl'. Fry is also correct about flat lining. Again, I refer to pancake girl. The most interesting book that I read at the time of putting my book together is called 'An Unquiet Mind' written by Kay Redfield Jamison. It's a great read for the manic-depressive or a family member living with a manic-depressive.

PLT:
We have strayed way off the beaten track here, so let's get back to more familiar territory for a poetry interview. I guess stylistically you could be described as a Dramatic Realist. (This is probably why we're such good friends; it's said opposites attract and the most polite description of my recent style called me a lyrical stylist) Much of your poetry though is very raw and often quite disturbing, writing poems such as Daddy #2 or First Haircut must be an emotionally draining experience. And your love poems have a directness that could shock the straight laced. But there is another side to you, along with a great sincerity your work has emotional depth and a lot of insight. Who have your main influences been and why?

JANET:
My main influences have been Sylvia Plath for her genius, Anne Sexton for her bravery and also music. I love the Moody Blues, Bob Dylan and Van Morrison. There is a mystical quality to their music and I enjoy believing there is more to this life, this plane that we are on but most can't see it or don't want to. First Haircut came from a time when my step-dad had to get me ready for school and my hair was really thick. He nearly pulled my head off trying to brush it, finally he cut it off with a butcher knife. I hated him for that. I once got inspiration from a fake tree in my home which produced a decent poem called 'What Lies in Sight". At the time of it's writing, I started to imagine the poor children, their bleeding hands and the beads of sweat on their tiny foreheads that produced this tree and millions like it. It made me sick.

PLT:
Are you getting tired yet? Just teleport over and we'll break for tea and scones; very English. We're getting near the end now. I mentioned your very erotic love poems, and there is one set, those with the word "Lover" in the title that particularly make me tingle with excitement. You told me they are inspired by your online friendship with some ageing English rouge whose name escapes me at the moment. But we are not the only people to form an intimate friendship while on different continents. Do you think that more and better poetry is inspired by such impossible - to - consummate relationships than when things are easier, such as when people actually live in the same town?

JANET:
Long distance makes the heart grow fonder, or outta sight, outta mind. You don't have to worry about really answering to anyone. It depends on the individual I suppose but I have several poems inspired by the same Englishman. I believe the fantasy of what my mind can dream up is probably better than 'real' life (no offence my sweet). Besides it's fun to flirt and chat with an intelligent person who you actually care for. It doesn't matter that this person is a few thousand miles away. It makes it richer because you can decorate any way you want. The other person can become your muse. Remember the prom? (don't tell them we went to Hippy Hollow instead, hee hee)

(We have dealt so much with the downside I'm glad Janet brought up The Prom. A few years ago somebody at Authorsden had the bright idea of organising a prom where people made dates with other members and together wrote an account. Now a lot of people thought it was obvious Janet and I should date each other. Problem. Being English, the only thing I knew about High School Proms was learned from the movie There's Something About Mary. I gave Jan a really hard time but when she finally got it through to me why a school disco is such a big thing we - um - both decided as we are rebels we would be uncenventional. So our "prom date" Timewarp Prom turned into a kind of Sabrina the Teenage Witch meets Austin Powers farce. It is presented on the link as a screenplay in four parts with a schmaltzy ending. A great insight into the humourous side of Jan's personality. We intend to make an audio version of it one day:- Ian)

PLT:
Let's get back on track. Love, and the quest for it, one of the classic themes of poetry, has obviously played a big part in your writing and I notice a tendency in your poems to shoulder a lot of blame yourself when things go pear shaped in a relationship. One recurring theme though in love poems is the lover known from a pat life (Ancient Lover for example) On this side of the pond we often think of America as something of a pressure cooker society and last year when an exhibition of artist Edward Hopper's work toured here many critics commented many of his works reflect an emotional isolation and hunger that pervades American society. As you said earlier you felt a lot of people were feeding off your emotionally - charged work a while ago, do you feel that at all? And as you sometimes paint a bleak picture of the human condition yourself, do you think an awareness of the needs of others sometimes propels your writing?

JANET:
I do feel that people feed off of pain in the worst way BUT we all have a right to to say what's on our mind. Hopefully, it brings awareness to conditions that can affect anyone on the planet. Freedom of speech should be a good thing, in many ways it isn't. It allows people to be hateful to one another. On the other hand where there is suffering there is a story to tell. One of my 'suffering' poems is called Closed Circuit (pg86) and is chock full of illness, it probably tells about manic depression the best.

PLT:
Staying with Edward Hopper, one of his paintings, House by the Railroad makes me think of one of my favourite movies, This Property is condemned which is based on a story by a great writer from the deep South William Faulkner. Faulkner was part of a great tradition of writers from the Southern states which includes Mark Twain, your namesake Erskine Caldwell who is almost forgotten now but sold millions in his era, Tennessee Williams, Harper Lee right up to current bestseller Donna Tartt.

While in New York in the sixties I knew Joe David Brown who wrote Addy Pray. (I knew Joe's daughter better but you don't want to hear about that.) One day I asked Joe who originated from Alabama, why he thought so much great writing came out of the South. He thought it was the very mixed cultural background from the Spanish, French and British colonial days, the scars left on society by the Civil War and the Great Depression of the 1930s, racial tensions, heat, the contrasts in society - extreme wealth alongside extreme poverty, racial tensions, religious fellings, all mixed to create an atmosphere that fires extremes of passion and produces colourful characters. Why do you think the South produces so much great writing and music (because I know music is important to you and your part of the world has given us many unique styles)

JANET:
That is such a great question Ian, it answered itself. I agree with Mr. Brown on his reasoning as to the success of southern authors but I would add that as a southerner, we are a proud people and sort of loud, as in opinionated. (laughing to myself here) Mostly, not afraid to say what's on our mind. Trust me though, some you'd like to stuff a sock in their mouth.

PLT:
And finally, one of the things that comes through in spite of the darkness in some of your work is that you have a wonderful sense of humour. For a long time I have thought poetry remains stubbornly unpopular because so much of the work of acclaimed modern writers is so gloomy, intense and introverted. Do you agree that if poets are serious about gaining a bigger audience they should lighten up, be less obscure and have a few laughs now and then?

JANET:
I think the people who have a voice for the dark side and understand the realities of the current day should keep writing as they have. However, do take a break from the key-board. We all need refreshing, so get to it.

PLT:
By now, I'm sure most readers will be feeling as I and your many on-line friends do that you have been away too long. When you do get down to writing again do you see any new directions for yourself, writing on topics such as the effects of climate change and the human catastrophes it may cause and has already caused, like the devastation of New Orleans. I know you were involved in supporting the refugees, so I'm sure you have some comments to make. And does poetry have a role to play in raising awareness of the problems worldwide, I guess I am asking should we be spending less time navel gazing and putting more effort into campaigning?

JANET:
I don't know where my writing will take me but I am sure that I will touch on the volunteer work that I have done with AIDS patients, the mentally challenged, and yes, the devastation in New Orleans. (still) At the moment my relief work involves digging water wells in Africa where there is no clean water. Babies are dying, people are sick, it's a crime not to do something for someone else.

PLT:
No wonder you get tired if you are digging wells in Africa. The travelling alone must be exhausting. I'm teasing.

On behalf of PLT Janet thank you for giving us so much of your time and being so open and honest with our readers.

JANET:
You are most welcome, it has been fun and soon we'll have to make another date. Where are we going this time? No, don't tell me, make it a surprise.

PLT:
Janet, it's been an honour and a privilege.