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Boggart Blog Central

Ladettes To Ladies
One of the most bizarre and most entertaining of reality TV shows is ladettes to ladies. In this low budget schedule filler young slappers who habitually binge drink, shag around, piss in the street, get their tits out and projectile vomit are handed over to a charm school whose staff must attempt to turn the contestants from slappers into seductresses.

Ladettes to Ladies
by Ian R Thorpe
2008-02-27
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: science, scientists, intelligence, mouse, snacks, research, crocodile, lligator, reptiles, saurian, human, bad, dubious, taste, humour, humor

Ladettes to Ladies, in case you didn't know, is a reality TV show that purports to turn large-living, hard-drinking, dope-smoking serial shagging modern girls into old fashioned “Young Ladies” ready to take their place in society of the haughtiest particularity.

To put the show together the producers scour the land to find the gobbiest, most foul mouthed, ill-mannered, badly behaved slappers and then send them to a facsimile of a traditional “finishing school,” the kind of establishment where the daughters of gentlefolk would go to acquire social graces.

None of it has anything to do with reality of course. Finishing schools went out of fashion with virginity in the 1960s and had all closed by the end of the 70s. The pupils who attended back then were not real upper crust (who often were foul mouthed, hard drinking, serial shagging slappers) but the daughters of newly rich Dada and ambitious mothers who craved social status. The true upper crust did not have to care what people thought, everyone deferred to them anyway, except for rebellious Jacobite scumbags like my family.

Once installed in the “finishing schools” and supervised by a bunch of women who are OK but pretend to be toffee nosed snobs, the hard drinking ladettes are wound up by the producers to behave as badly as possible. As the title suggests they come into the show because they behave like wild young guys. In reality, once the girls have been goaded to do their worst, the wildest young blokes would be pushed to keep up.

Among the lessons this years crop of Ladettes had to learn was the obsolete skill of riding side saddle. After a few lessons the girls had to show their progress in a competition.

Poor Holly, pretty, petite and dark, was let down by her mount in the dressage. One of the requirements of dressage is that the horse completely obeys its rider. Holly’s horse was halfway around the circuit when he stopped, planted his feet and pissed. In spite of all Holly’s goading and pleading he just stood with a beatific expression, pissing until he was gratified.

Sadly the whole riding thing was held under the auspices (oops, pardon!) of the British Equestrian Society whose toffee nosed judges were not impressed.

Holly was showing vast improvement though. Only a few weeks earlier it would have been she urinating in front of the judges, and probably giving them the finger as she did so.

Most glamorous of this years crop of Ladettes was Louise, back for a second go after being thrown out last year for getting her tits out for the boys in the village pub on a girlie night out. Louise. tall, blonde, elegant, is a natural beauty. Louise is as common as muck, she swears like a trooper, farts like a Brass Band tuning up and could drink a brewery dry.

Louise was invited back as substitute for a Ladette who walked out after being reprimanded because she wore a dress so inappropriate to a posh banquet that her tits fell out at the dinner table.

Ironically, after Louise’s exit from the last series, she has built a good career as a glamour model, getting her tits out for the boys in magazines with titles like Loaded and Nuts. Her earning potential was greatly enhanced when she had her boobs surgically enhanced.

One unexpected advantage of surgically enhanced breasts is they are firmer than the real thing and thus not as likely to fall into one’s soup during socially sensitive dinner parties.

After the fun with pissing horses and wayward breasts, the flower arranging, deportment and cake making classes were a bit of an anti climax.

Ladettes to Ladies is no more real than any reality TV show, it is a kind of Pygmalion meets Jerry Springer schlockfest – with added bare breasts. Unlike other phoney reality shows though, it is great entertainment, perhaps because everyone knows they are pretending so they lay it on.

I don’t know if America has a Ladettes to Ladies equivalent yet, but if they don’t I hope they get one soon. Mid-November would be a good time to launch. After ten months of solid electioneering, the poor bastards will need it.

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