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Peacock Rescue
KEYWORDS: animals,wildlife,bird,humour,humor,satire,television


When a Peacock invaded the Boggart Blog garden the incident turned into a typically bizarre, surreal, story for Britain's most popular comedy blog. Naturally, this being Boggart Blog it wasn't just a case of the Royal Society For The Protection Of Birds getting involved, somehow Steve Irwin, the Aussie crocodile wrestler, King Henry VIII and a blues singer are part of the story too.

CREATIVE COMMONS: Some rights reserved. Distribution: Non - commercial, attrib, no derivs, All reproductions should be credited to Boggart Blog and linked to "http://www.greenteethmm.com/"

Peacock Rescue
Ian R. Thorpe
2009-06-13

I dont watch Springwatch any more. Bill Oddie has moved on so there is little chance of seeing a bearded tit and no matter who presents the show it will never top the classic moment a couple of years ago when a heartbreakingly cute fluffy little baby owl burst out of the eggshell and was straightaway jumped on and swallowed whole by an elder sibling.

How cool was that?

Television cannot get any better so I abandoned the world of breeding birds.

Birds with the urge to breed have not abandoned me however, this morning the Boggart Blog garden was invaded by a Peacock.

It must be hurt so it cant fly, said Mother Boggart who then phoned the RSPB.

Ive got an injured Peacock in my garden, it cant fly, she told the RSPB man.

Whats it doing now? he asked.

Sitting on the fence looking at me in a nasty way with its beady little eyes, said Mother Boggart.

So theres a fence round your garden?

Oh yes, quite a high one.

Then how did the Peacock get in if it cant fly? said the man from the Royal Society.

Mother Boggart had not thought that one through but she wasnt being fobbed off. I dont know, maybe it stole a ladder. Anyway arent you going to rescue it. Thats what you do isnt it?

Not really, we protect birds. We only rescue them if they are an endangered species or they are injured.

Well this one is endangered, or it will be just as soon as next doors tom cat sees it.

The RSPB still werent interested. Mother Boggart was a tad nonplussed, she had hoped a Steve Irwin lookalike would leap over the fence, take one look at the Peacock and shout Crikey, hes a big one. And hes angry and confused. Quick throw a tarp on him.

Just then Brother Bastion walked into the kitchen on the off change of there being a bacon sandwich going. Moving to the sink to fill the kettle he looked out of the window.

Mum, why is there a Peacock perching on the clothes dryer trying to have sex with your peg bag?

Aha! said the man from the RSPB who had been delivering a lecture on caring for stray Peacocks, Aha! hes trying to shag your peg bag, One thing we could have done without was a budding poet.

making a pretty good job of it too, said Brother Bastion as he laid bacon on the George Foreman Grilling Machine.

Well hes looking for a mate, hes lovesick, the RSPB man explained to Mother Boggart. Its their mating season. Did you know a Peahen can lay up to forty eggs.

What am I supposed to do with forty Peahen eggs, said Mother Boggart.

Make Spanish Omelettes, said Brother Bastion helpfully.

Well if you dont want to adopt a family of Peacocks were not interested in helping you, dont fed the bird and dont procure ladyfriends for it, the RSPB man said before slamming down the phone.

Theyre not a protected species so the RSPB arent interested, Mother Boggart told Brother Bastion.

Not a protected species? Its Christmas, the good brother said, Did you know roast peacock was a great favourite of King Henry VIII. Ill go outside and throw a tarp on him.

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