Copyright (c) Words and music : Ian Thorpe, 2003 Graphic design : Sara L Russell, 2003.

Author's Note:

The phenomenon of the “Page Three girl” has never reached the USA though I'm sure America has its own versions of this voyeuristic obsession. These young women, half or totally naked and posed to show the breasts to advantage but conceal the delta, have adorned UK tabloids for more than twenty years. Girls can still become celebrities, pop stars or successful actresses if only they are prepared to “get ‘em out for the boys.” Being a great conspiracy theorist I detect a Government / Big business plot to divert our attention.

We slob out on the sofa
In front of the T.V.
And start skipping through the channels
For the stuff we want to see
Skip the news and politics
And other boring bits,
Our interest focused solely
On sweet Suzanna's tits.

They’re starving in Afghanistan
Burning in Palestine
The politics of market forces
Push greed right to the line
But society can crumble while
The forests are laid waste.
War plague and famine threaten
The future of our race,
Still we will not fret or worry
If we get our daily fix
And the opium of the masses
Is Suzanna's superb tits.

We never exchange opinions
Compare philosophies or views
On subjects of importance
Or matters in the news.
The Prime Minister is a wanker,
The President is a scrote
But a significant majority  
Lack the energy to vote.
The one and only topic
To exercise our wits
Is the size and shape and firmness
Of sweet Suzanna's tits.

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