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Comedy Cops Oust Plod.
Police chiefs have finally come clean and admitted their officers spend more time dealing with bureaucracy than chasing criminals. This exposes the ever improving crime statistics proclaimed by the previous government as a fraud. It was not jut that police were not investigating crimes, they wrre not even logging the calls. Boggart Blog reports on the bureaucracy of policing.

Comedy Coppers Oust P.C Plod
by Ian R Thorpe
2010-09-24
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: bureaucracy, police, crime, coppers, criminals, politically correct, management, statitics, hazard, satire, humour, humor

It was reassuring to see in the news earlier this week the Inspectorate of Constabulary, a fine body of men and women who sound as if they escaped from a Gilbert and Sullivan comic opera have finally admitted that local police forces (the comedy coppers) are so snowed under with important paperwork they have can't be arsed turning out to chase criminals. Citizens who have dialled 999 to report their houses being robbed, their kids being kidnapped or the neighbours being brutally murdered have been reporting for a long time the standard response from the police is a weary sigh, a promise to send someone round as soon as an officer is available and a stern reminder tat the 999 number is strictly for emergencies and you should never again waste their time with trivial matters. When someone eventually does "pop round" to the crime scene it will most likely be PCSO Tiny Littlebottom on his Raleigh Chopper and he, having no powers of arrest and no training in crime scene investigation will give you some leaflets on victim support counselling. For years police chiefs have strenuously denied that the force were more concerned with targets, statistics and budgets than with making the streets safe for DHWFS* Chief Superintendent Gripper Feltham of Slaghoughton Constabulary told a Boggart Blog reporter, "People don't understand how modern crime control works. We can't send round Dixon Of Dock Green to say "'ello, ello, ello, what 'ave we 'ere then" when a member of the public phones in a crime report. Nowadays governments require us to employ modern management and comply with health and safety at work regulations and employee rights legislation. Before we can investigate a crime we have to investigate the nature of the offence and define the scope and objectives of the project. Then there has to be a feasibility study, a resource planning exercise, the investigation project plan has to be costed and budgets allocated. Once we have done all that but before we can send a squad car round we have to complete a 95 page risk analysis showing whether the officers at the scene are likely to encounter rough terrain, hazardous materials, bad tempered dogs, naked flames, tropical diseases, or large, aggressive criminals wielding baseball bats with nails through the end. That done, we can then go ahead and assign officers to the case after they have been given a thorough psychological examination. It can be quite nasty out there on the streets and we don't want police personnel to be traumatized by the things they encounter. Only when we have done all we can to ensure the safety of our officers and avoid exposing the force to costly lawsuits can we afford to think about the safety of the public. The problem with the criminal classes you see is many of them tend to have a sociopathic mindset, they have no intention of trying to live like decent citizens and contributing to the community. Because of this negative attitude they are seldom prepared to hang around until we have worked through our management procedures. Then there is the question of unrealistic expectations among the public. People watch characters like Jack Bauer and Gene Hunt on television and they think real officers can behave like that. We can't though, we have to bear in mind that criminals have the same human rights as anybody else, more if they are members of ethnic, sexual or religious minorities, or have mental or physical disabilities or if they are supported by community organisers. I hope that helps your readers understand policing a modern society in no an easy matter. We are convinced our approach to fighting crime is the right one for the twenty first century. The wheels of bureaucracy may turn slowly but they grind exceeding fine as the old saying goes. So instead of people criticizing us for not catching the people who murdered their granny, stripped their house or hacked their computer and emptied the bank accounts I hope people will take comfort in the knowledge that our managed approach to policing means justice will eventually catch up with the perpetrators of serious crimes when they overstay their time on a parking meter, break the speed limit or talk too loudly in a public space. *Decent Hard Working Folks. RELATED POSTS:
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