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Burglary For Dummies
Boggart Blog occasionally gives an award to the Stupid Criminal Of The Week. We do this to try to highlight to aspiriring young criminals the importance of working hard and paying attention in school if they hope to have a successful career in crime. Too many people think of crime as a soft option career wise, there are no degree - entry restrictions or difficult apprenticeships. This story however shows a career in crime is not for dummies.

Burglary For Dummies
by ian R Thorpe
2010-09-15
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: crime, criminal, jobless, burglar, mobile phone, police, court, arrest, satire, humour, humor

A Boggart Blog Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award Story

Anthony Gawthrop (24) is one of the people we reported on yesterday, those who have never had a job. Anthony is no ordinary dole bludger however, to remedy his joblessness plight he decided to become and entrepreneur in the most literal sense of the word, a burglar to you and me.

Once Anthony had set himself up in the burglary business things seemed to be going well give or take the odd arrest until, while burlarizing a house in Cambridge and redistributing laptops, DVD players, jewellery and other small, portable items of value he dropped his mobile phone.

Having not completely moved on from his couch potato past Anthony could not be arsed to pick up his phone. After all, he reasoned, people who live in big houses are honest and respectable and would hand in the phone to the police lost property office.

To compound his error, Anthony later contacted police to report his phone missing so that when the people he had burgled handed it in that nice PC Plod would hop in a patrol car and bring it round to his home for him.

Soon after the phone was reported lost it was found by officers at the crime scene. Police checked the photos it contained and recognised young Mr. Gawthrop from his three previous convictions for house-breaking.

The fact that he had reported the phone lost in the general area where it had been found confirmed the suspicions of the boys in blue that Anthony was their burglar.

On being arrested Anthony attempted to give officers a false alibi. Unfortunately he had photographed himself in the house he said he had not been anywhere near. At Cambridge Crown Court last Friday Anthony finally admitted the offence and has now been told to expect a 'substantial' prison sentence.

At least now he will have plenty of time to study the book that should be essential reading for all wannabe entrepreneurs in his line of business, Burglary For Dummies. This worthy tome advises in the first paragraph of page one, "Never leave evidence lying around."

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