Boggart Blog Central
(All the news that can possibly be made up)

Humour /Satire /Entertainment/Philosophy/Life
Humour, or humor if you must, is in limited supply in the world but if you are looking for laughter look no more. The Boggart Blog team bridge the generation gap, the gender divide and leap across the many dimensions of the multiverse to bring you a funny and sometimes crazy take on whatever is in the news plus a few things that are not. In the past decade trust in the media has diminished so you would be justified in asking "Can we trust Boggart Network News?" Well yes you can, we are proud to say we have never sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth. Delve into Boggart Blog but be prepared to find yourself taking life less seriously.

Creative Commons: Some rights reserved (non commercial, attrib, no derivs.
All reproductions in whole or in part should link to Greenteeth Multi Media Productions http://www.greenteeth.com/index





NAVIGATE
home
THIS PAGE

The Cheesemakers Of Outer Space

Adrenaline Junkies

Loonytoons By Election

Fuckwittery Of The First Order

Pretender To The Inheritance

Lembit Opik Hits Jupiter

The Moon Landing And The Earth Landing

Crusty Old Wives Tales Not So Unscientific

Swine Flu MP Misses Opportunity

Puffin Up The Power Of Technology

A Wing And A Cheap Ticket

A Rare Outbreak Of Sanity

Shagged Out Cyclists

Heather Mills McCartney On A Mission

Rat Arsed Badger

Scientists Have Not Made Sperm

Supermuslim

Shock Revelation: Obama and Michael Jackson

Schismism

Scary Willie Story

Career In Substance Abuse?

Talking Bollocks

Like A Ferret Up A Drainpipe

Benefit Fraud Psycho

Fear Of Soup Peacock Rescue

Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing

It's The Sausages Stupid

The Apprentice Prime Minister

Will Labours Top Totty Topple Gordon?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Knife Crime Is No Joke

It's Supergordon!

Britain's Got Talent Sensation!

800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic

Boycotting Britain's Got Talent

Sheep Burp, Cows Fart And The
Government Has Pie In The Sky

HMS Discovery: the BNP's Election Battleship?

You Mean It Wasn't True

Fat Cat or Fat Bastard

Alistair's Darling Buds Of
Recovery Vaporised In...?

Breakfast Cereal Killers

The Age Of Arse Dribble

Driving Tests Will Be The
Death Of Many

Kitchen nightmare

Sarky Sarko Slams
World Leaders

Britains Got Nutters

With Friends Like That...

Pink Elephants

Elephant Golf

What Is The Price Of A Pint?

G20: World Leaders Declare Open Season On Witches

Yellow Carded By His Own Petard.

Good to be English? Well
at least i'm not stupid.

The American View on
Michelle O's G20 Royal Gaffe

Boggart Network News
live from the G20.

Shock! Horror! Schools Teaching Filth

Woman gets pine cone
stuck in her vagina

Poverty Amazes Researchers

There's A Chink In Our Armour

Midnight basketball

Obama's Gift To The Taliban

The Apprentice Is Back

New Primary Curriculum? We Hate
To Twitter We Told You So

Of Freedom, Wind Farms, Thunderbird
Puppets and Social Taboos.

Vonderplanitz

Full Marks (and Spencers) for
Wise Buys and Big Knickers.

But Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars

navigate

CATEGORIES

Fiction
Animal related
Art Menu
America:
Belief, Faith and Religion
Celebrity mocking and knocking
Climate and Environment
Comedy, Satire, Humour
Debt Crisis and Money Matters
Driven To Drink
Europe index of posts
The trade and commerce catalogue page
EU Immigration crisis
Education Menu
Fear and Panic
Globalisation - the enemy of freedom
Geoengineering: Science versus Humanity
Health Menu
History - new perspectives
Immigration crisis
Humanitas
ISIS and the Middle East War
Jobs Crisis
Living Within The conspiracy
Middle East
Nanny State and The Thought Police
Past Perspectives
Philo & Sophia
Politically Correct Stupidity
Fools & Dreamers
Politics and Economy
Recommended Reading
Science and Technology
Sex and sexuality
Sport
UK politics
Weird and Supernatural
World Politics
SNACKS (sub topics)
The Ageing population
age
Religion and spirituality
Climate Change
Comedy and Humour
Education is overrated
The environment
Europe
Health
Internet Technology
Jobs and employment
Money and finance
Myths and traditions
Nanny Orwell
People and Places
Science, technology
Society
UK politics
War
World Politics

Our Internet Places
Scribd
Blogster
Ed Butt at Bubblews
Wikinuts
Boggart Blog
Little Nicky Machiavelli
Boggart Network News
Greenteeth Bites
Greenboggart
Boggart Blog Central
Daily Stirrer briefing
Boggart Network News
BOGGART BLOG ARCHIVES
BBselect001
BBselect002
BBselect003
BBselect004
BBselect005
BBselect006
MULTI MEDIA
Spoken Word
Video
Music
Graphic Art

Space Travel…Will This Eventually Become A Reality?
The very concept of sending people into space has always been an interest to me, not because I actually believe it will happen, but just with the thoughts of how far we would have to advance, technically in order to achieve such a quest. I was reading an article which spoke of someone who was wondering if we would ever form colonies in space, and I felt compelled to respond. This was my response.

Boat Migrants Landing in Italy ‘at a Pace Exceeding Anything We’ve Seen Before’
The International Organization for Migration (IOM) estimates 20,484 migrants have arrived in Europe by sea since the beginning of 2017, with numbers now averaging around 3000 per day and increasing as spring brings better weather. These numbers put Italian arrivals well ahead of the total for the first three months of 2015 (10,165) and the first three months of 2016 (18,777)

How to stop Google tracking your every move
Do you ever get the feeling you are being watched or followed? OK, it could possibly be because you are paranoid but more likely you’ve noticed a few things that are just beyond creepy when you are using the web and particularly Google services. For example, has an advertisement for a product or service ever popped up on your screen just after you were talking to someone about it?

Men Menstruate? Latest Dickheadedness From The Legion Of The Dickless
Yes you read that headline right, the GayBLTQetc. lobby propagandists are now pushing the most preposterous idea yet in their determination to make unequal things equal. A colouring book aimed at children in the age range that use colouring books floats the idea that men can have periods.

Wikileaks: Clinton Campaign Team Bribed Republicans To Smear TrumpThe latest batch of electronic documents release by WikiLeaks contain email that appear to show  Hillary Clinton campaign staffers bribed 6 Republicans to discredit Trump during the Presidential election campaign. John Podesta, who worked as Chair opf the Hillary Clinton campaign wrote to Huma Abedin, Hillary's personal assistant regarding the possibility of diverting Clinton campaign funds to various Republicans who were secretly on the Clinton payroll.

Chemtrails Exposed - NASA has admitted weather modification experiments
We know that since World war Two ended governments have been engaged in experiments to control weather, they know we know, so why keep denying it. Repeated denials of projects like chemtrail spraying and HAARP have only spawned more, and more outlandish conspiracy theories. So what is going on?

Australian Aborigines and Eurasians Left Africa at the same time?
One of the internet memes propagated a broadcast by the Church Of Scienceology cult, those closed minded people who believe science is infallible omnipresent and omniescent is the "Weez Aalz From Afrireekaa" fallacy, so when I spotted online an article reporting a news study which, relying heavily on guesses and assumptions, made a case that all humans living outside Africa were put there by a mass migration between 50,000 and 60,000 years ago ...

EU punishes Turkey For Repairing Relations With NATO Public Enemy No1 Russia
Leaving aside the current spat between The Netherlands and Turkey which is a different thing altogether, The EU’s diplomatic service is currently trying to punish Turkey for seeking better relations with Russia, after their supporting different sides in the Syria conflict brought the two nations close to war. It is true that NATO member Turkey has recently shown less commitment to the West, but there are probably good reasons for this ...

Does It matter If The Dollar Is Replaced?
While mainstream media in the developed world continues to agonise over the Trump presidency, the rise of nationalism in Europe and the threat they pose to the global elite, important changes are happening within the strategic triangle of Russia, Iran and China, which has been engaged in economic manoeuvres to replace the US dollar as global reserve currency for a decade.

White Girl Is Burned Alive, 17 Black Gang Members Arrested. Mainstream Media Blanks The Story Remember how the Social Justice Warriors of the politically correct 'left' screamed when a young black man named Trayvon Martin was shot by Hispanic George Zimmerman, because it was assumed someone named Zimmerman would be white? Remember how they wailed and stirred up civil unrest when a black man was shot by white cops in Ferguson, Missouri, automatically assuming the the killing was racially motivated. more >>>

The University Formerly Known As Cardiff Polytechnic Published List Of Forbidden Words Cardiff Metropolitan University formerly known as Cardiff Polytechnic may not be a seat of learning on a par with Oxford, Cambridge, Heidelberg, The Sorbonne or Princeton but when it comes to politically correct idiocy it is at the right up there with Harvard, Uppsala, University of California or The London school of Economics more>>>

Things Are Getting crazier In USA As Trump Supporters Push Back Against Obamas Silent Coup

A congressional investigation has revealed that the Obama administration channeled billions of dollars to activist groups through a Department of Justice slush fund scheme. “It’s clear partisan politics played a role in the illicit actions that were made,” Republican Representative John Ratcliffe of Texas told Fox News. “The DOJ is the last place this should have occurred.” more >>>

Donald Trump Just Exposed Obama for HORRIBLE Crime! HERE IS THE PROOF!!
As the first scandal to hit the Trump Administration, the truped-up accusations that team members had contact with Russia was splashed over mainstream media, American liberals were quick to claim (dishonestly) that the Obama administration had been scandal free. The “scandal-free” Obama’s may finally have just been caught red-handed. This morning President Trump took to Twitter from the Mar-a-Lago resort to reveal a HORRIFYING crime committed by Barack Obama right before he left office: Political wiretapping!
more >>>

Are Spineless, Snivelling Liberal Scum Sucker Bringing Back Blasphemy Crimes To The West For The Sake Of Sucking Up To Islamic Extremists?
All the signs suggest the Western democracies are submitting to presure from Islamic extremists and reviving blasphemy laws, but applying them only to those who insult Islam. We are still free to be obscenely disrespectful to Christianity, Judaeism, Hinduism and buddhism. Canada and Denmark are leading the way back to medieval religious oppression ...more >>>

Jacob Rothschild Says Putin “A Traitor To The New World Order”


Jacob Rothschild, patriarch of the megarich banking family, and a leading proponent of the drive to create a global authoritarian government made up of people drawn from the corporate and financial elite, has accused Russian president Vladimir Putin of being a "traitor to the New World Order". Evidence we have suggests the elitist conspiracy sees Russia as an obstacle that must be removed before its plan for a global government can be completed more >>>

Katie Hopkins Reports From Hellacious Sweden, ‘Where Females Fear to Tread’
A news feed filled with reports of the rape and assault of Sweden’s young women, some inexplicably streamed live on Facebook by the gang as they attacked. Other reports filed quietly away in a box marked unmentionable: the rape of a 12-year-old unaccompanied immigrant by a so called fellow 'unaccompanied minor' immigrant who later bragged he was 45.

Junk Food Killing Kids? We often hear about the plague of obesity from talking – head ‘nutrition experts’ on TV, but less is said about the other problem caused by a diet of junk food. On a typical teenager’s diet it is possible to develop both obesity and malnutrition. On the flip side, you have malnutrition. According to the United Nations (UN) special rapporteur, Hilal Elver, Ph.D., the impact of processed food on public health is “alarming.”

Report casts new doubts on WETC official story The controversy goes on, fifteen years later. While it ought to be obvious even to the most casual observer that the way the twin towers collapsed on 9/11 did not look as if it could be the result of a random strike (and Tower 7 was not hit by anything - well a careless sparrow maybe,) many people who should know better but are in awe of authority continue to scream conspiracy theorist at even those well qualified to challlence the official narrative.

Oslo Police Declare “We Have Lost the City”…Islam Has Taken Over
While attention has been focused on Sweden because of remarks made by US President Donald Trump, the apocalyptic level of culturally-enriched violence in neighbouring Norway and particularly in Grønland, a district of the capital city of Oslo. After years of unchecked immigration it looks more like Karachi, Basra, and Mogadishu all rolled into one than part of a Scandinavian capital. People sell drugs openly just next to the Grønland subway station.

American Journalists Who Travelled To Sweden To Debunk Trumps Comments About Migrant Violence Run Out Of Town by Migrants
Two journalists from Chicago who had travelled to Sweden with the intention of debunking Donald Trump's allegations that in Sweden's cities there are many immigrant dominated suburbs that have become trouble spots and 'no - go zones' for Europeans and that the country is a dangerous place to visit had to be given a police escort so they could safely leave an immigrant neighbourhood in Stockholm.

Germany Facing Mass Blackouts Because The Wind And Sun Won’t Cooperate
Germany’s power grid came close tp collapse in January because the poor performance from sustainables, wind turbines and solar panels which the Germany government encouraged heavy investment in, data from a major trade union leaked to German business newspaper Deutsche Wirtschasfts Nachrichten.

Courts Quietly Confirm MMR Vaccine Causes Autism
After decades of passionate debate, parents probably missed the repeated admissions by drug companies and governments alike that vaccines do in fact cause autism. For concerned parents seeking the truth, it’s worth remembering that the exact same people who own the world’s drug companies also own America’s news outlets. Finding propaganda-free information has been difficult, until now.

CIA Admists Using fake News To Subvert Democracy For Decades
Newly-declassified documents show that a senior CIA agent and Deputy Director of the Directorate of Intelligence worked closely with the owners and journalists of many of the largest media outlets. The United States Senate Select Committee to Study Governmental Operations with Respect to Intelligence Activities found in 1975 that the CIA submitted stories to the American press.

Left Complicit In Violence Ripping Through Paris Migrant Neighbourhoods?
As rioting by immigrant populations spreads from the poorer areas of Paris to the city centre and civil unrest spreads throughout France, former special advisor to France’s interior ministry Hugues Moutouh has accused the left-wing political establishment of complicity in the violence raging through the country’s migrant-dominated suburbs.

Infant Twins Die Shortly After Being Vaccinated, Medical Board Rules ‘Just A Coincidence’
In this era of high tech health care and rapidly advancing developments of drug therapy, sudden infant death syndrome (cot death) is a rare thing in the developed world, around one per hundred according to World Health Organisation statistics. Given that, you might think the sudden and simultaneous deaths of twins might cause somne raised eyebrows among medical professionals ...

PARIS ERUPTS: Many streets are NO-GO ZONES As Immigrant Violence Spreads
Five large areas have been reduced to no go areas for the past five nights as masked men cause mayhem on the streets. Now there are fears the fall out from allegations of police brutality could spread all over the country as unrest in the city grows. Police were hit with molotov cocktails and the heavy metal balls used in the French game Petanque ...

J.K. Rowling Goes Silent After Getting Challenged To Put Her Money Where Her Mouth Is
JK Rowling, who wrote 7 great books for kids (and an absolutely shit one for grown ups) has become one of those annoying celebrities who thinks we all need to hear regularly from her on the topic of how to live our lives. she sees no reason why a superior being such as her should abide by the advice she dishes out to the rest of us.

Corruption: Paraphrasing Johnny Rotten, 'Never trust a fahkin' liberal'
As the 'liberal supporters of Barack Obama's hapless presidency and more recently the US Democratic Party's 2016 failed candidate 'Crooked Hillary' Clinton whip themselves into an ever greater frenzy over the hugely entertaining antic of President Trump, An editorial at Investors Business Daily may end up being considered by historians as defining exactly why the Obama administration failed so catastrophically ...

Is a Global Wide Cash Ban Coming?

Anyone who has been paying attention over the last four years knows the Europe is ground zero for Central Planning insanity. Europe was created as a union with open borders with the open flow of capital. However, the elites have clearly demonstrated that they are willing to lie cheat and steal in order to maintain their agenda.

Trump Foiled Soros' Master Plan to Impose New World Order - Hedge Fund Manager
President Donald Trump came to power just in time to prevent George Soros and Hillary Clinton achieving a secret Trans Pacific trade deal, that would have transferred sovereign rights to global corporations Wall Street hedge fund manager and financial analyst Mitch Feierstein told Sputnik. George Soros and Clinton Inc. were nearly able to declare the ‘New World Order’ complete" hedge fund manager Feierstein, said on Tuesday.

TIME Magazine runs vile hit piece against Robert Kennedy Jr. for daring to tell the truth about mercury in vaccines
When newly inagurated President Donald Trump appointed Robert Kennedy, Jr. to head a commission to investigate and report on vaccine safety, it was inevitable the Big Pharma Corporations, the big money interest behind them, and their 'pet poodle' scientists would hit back and try to undermine the initiative. That it would happen so quickly, with higly respected fake news publication Time magazine lining up its biggest hitters to smear Kennedy's reputation

The War On Cash Intensifies In Response To Trump and Brexit
It appears Europe is charging towards a cashless society. Just days after Davos’ elites discussed why the world needs to “get rid of currency,” the European Commission has introduced a proposal enforcing “restrictions on payments in cash.” – because only terrorists and drug-dealers need cash (nothing at all to do with totalitarian control over a nation’s wealth) – we are not surprised that this proposal from the European Commission would appear…

French Finance Minister Says UK’s May Is Not In A Position To Negotiate With Trump You have to wonder just who the testicularly deficient little pen pusher of the failing EuroNazi project think they are. What do they not understand about Brexit that enables them to think they can still tell us what we can and can’t do? They may have got away with it while cottaging Prime Minister Blair or Old Etonian bum boy Cameron were in charge ...

Obama’s Gone, But His Genocidal Wars Go On
Continued fighting in Yemen between Houthi rebels seeking to overthrow the tyrannical Sunni Muslim government and ground and air forces of the SSaudi Arabian led coalition backed by the Obama administration in the USA killed at least 66 people in 24 hours, medics and security sources said on Sunday.
More Obama war

Inauguration crowd size lies: The Hypocrisy Of Mainstream Media Is Infinite When They Can Publish Shite Like This


Trump and liberals exchange insults over wether the inauguration audience for Trump was bigger than Obama's or not. It's hard to know which side is lying, probably both of them.
Liberal hypocrisy

‘Integrate or Leave’: As Wilders Surges in Polls Dutch PM Ramps Up Migrant Rhetoric


Just one day after polls which gave Geert Wilders’s insurgent populist party a nine-point lead on the ruling conservatives, Prime Minister Rutte took out a full page advert and spoke in an interview with Dutch daily Algemeen Dagblad to tell migrants they should integrate or leave, and to issue a call for a return to “common decency”.

Soros Is Responsible for Europe's Immigration Crisis Says Hungary's Viktor Orban
With Britain's Conservative Government pressing ahead with a 'hard Brexit agenda, and the Trump administration setting abou demolishing the expressway to socialism Barack Obama had spent eight years contruction, there is a lot of speculation and precious little hard evidence to indicate where the globalist elite, having seen their ambition for a world government thwarted will go next.
More Soros mischief

Post Trump and Brexit, Predicting The Globalists Next Move
Hungary's Prime Minister Viktor Orbán has made the American billionaire and philanthropist George Soros for the current refugee movements in Europe with responsibility. "This invasion (of migrants) on the one hand steered from the tractor business, on the other hand of those (human) activists who support everything that the nation-states weakens,
Globalisation index

The role of cosmic electric currents in earth’s climate
If you’ve been following the growth of the Electric Universe movement, you know that this growth is due largely to the power of a new paradigm to explain things left unexplained by conventional theory. The greatest surprises of the space age are not surprises to researchers exploring the role of the electric force across the cosmos. Nor is it surprising to see the electric force at work close to home, both in the sculpting of planetary surfaces and in the evolution of life on earth ...

The Reality Of Globalism - World Trade Has Increased By Less Than 1% Annually In The Last Decade
There can be little doubt that 2016 was the year the great pushback against globalisation and the push towards an authoritarian world government (NWO) really got off the ground. Fears that the world is on the edge of rejecting globalization and a global economy, with its false promise of prosperity for all and its reality of an ever widening gap between rich and poor have dominated ...

World Bank Aims to Hand Over Seed Industry to Agribusiness
Today Donald Trump will be inaugurated as 45h President of The United States, his victory in the November election having been a major setback to those dark forces that give the impression only one more big push was needed to drive the world into accepting a global authoritarian government. Trump's victory, combined with 'Brexit' the vote by British citizens to leave the EU, combined to make 2026 a bad year for the globalists.

The Left In Meltdown
As the UK Labour Party crumbles into complete disarray with it’s leader, the sixty – eight year old perpetual student protestor Jeremy Corbyn proving a more divisive figure than any of his predecessors, as he sacrifices more and more votes on the altar of fashionable causes, and the EU, natural successor to Hitler’s European unification project falls apart in the face of resurgent cultural nationalism, it is quite satisfying to see ...

Fake News and fake Fake News
The buzz phrase this past month has been ‘Fake News’ as over in the USA the Donald Trump camp have had to swat away repeated attempts to smear and the discredit the victor in the 2016 Presidential Election and supporters of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, unable to accept their team lost because people rejected perpetual war and ...

Obama Has been An Inspirational President?Well He Probably Inspired More Suicides Than Any Other Obama’s greatest achievement perhaps it to have put Donald Trump in The White House. Whether you think this is a good or bad thing depends on your political stance. This blog is neutral, our view being that Trump can’t be a worse president than any of the three that preceded him.

Over 4000 Civilians Have Died In Forgotten War.
As attention has focused on Syria ans then on the efforts of the Obama administration, in its dying months, to avenge the defeat of the anointed successor Hillary Clinton and discredit the election victor and President - elect Donald Trump, and simultaneously demonize Russia and President Putin

NEW CHAINS FOR OLD
The problem with losing your chains is knowing what to do when you are free to act without them. The answer most people choose should not really be all that surprising.

Former UK Ambassador Says Obama's 'Russian Hacking' Claims Are Bullshit
Former UK ambassador to Uzbekistan, Craig Murray, who has always publicly opposed the demonization of Russia by United States and European Union official propaganda and has in the past collaborated with WikiLeaks editor Julian Assange to expose western propaganda as being aimed at persuading voters war with Russia and China,is justified has dismissed the CIA's claims that Russia interfered in last month’s presidential election as "bullshit"

An Item In Todays News About US Gov't Internet Security Hack has Tipped Our Editor Over The Edge
The US election was on November 8, by November 12 it should have gone away, but the Democrats, proven crooks and liars who crookedly rigged their own selection process to cheat a man who could have beaten Trump out of the nomination and ensure their candidate was the traitor, war criminal, liar, AND head of the Clinton Crime Syndicate Hillary Clinton as their candidate.

Democrats Russia Hacked Us and Failed Recount Campaign is Political Suicide. The US Democratic Party’s inability to accept that they lost the Presidency to Donald Trump is turning into a slow polictical sucicide. The party that has always been quick to scream ‘conspiracy theorist’ to discredit critics of its dealings with oversreas governments and foreign billionaires like Soros has revealed in its efforts to overturn the result by claimING that Russian hacking influenced voters in favour of Trump.

Oxford University wants to turn English into a sterilized Orwellian language
Oxford University, one of the oldest universities in the world and, one might think, the 'home' of the English language is now, it seems, engaged in a New World Order campaign to destroy the English Language. It appears the finest young minds in society are so deeply offended by words that remind them men and women are biologically they, backed by their fuckwitted Marxist lecturers and professors, are demanding gender specific pronouns be abolished.

I Was Right - Gravilty Does Not Exist

Well OK, saying gravity does not exist is a bit of an oversimplification, but there is strong evidence Isaac Newton's theory of what makes things fall to the ground, which does not attempt to explain how gravity makes things fall, but only states gravity is a natural force, really misunderstood what was going on.

France Falling Apart As The World Looks On
France will elect a new president in May 2017. Politicians are already campaigning and debating about deficits, welfare recipients, GDP growth, and so on, but they look like puppets disconnected from the real country. Violence. It is spreading. Not just terrorist attacks; pure gang violence. The media does not dare to say that this violence is coming mainly from Muslim gangs

The Internet Purge Of Politically Incorrect (aka truthful) Content Begins
Facebook, Google (owners of YouTube) and Microsoft have long been known as CIA collaborators and it has been acknowledged that Obama's move in divesting the US government of responsibility for ICANN allows The White House to make outraged noises about suppression of free speech while using Search Engine Operators as proxies to shut down anything challinging US and NATO propaganda (on the grounds no doubt that challenging the politically correct orthodoxy constitutes hate speech.)

UK Education: Ofsted, Not The Government, Is Blighting Poor Pupils’ Chances
Experienced teacher say it is possible to teach effectively with that kind of a workload and although such working hours are common in business and commerce, people in those sectors do not have to deal with stupid, snotty nosed, hormonally hyperactive adolescents.

Older Posts index


Shock Horror, Scotsman pays 40 for a TENNER
by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-06-15

Is this the end of civilisation as we know it.

Scotsman Stewart Smith says he was stunned when having dropped a 10 note in the street he was slapped with a 50 for littering. Stewart, 36, said he did not realise he had dropped the note and a price tag after buying a 3 T-shirt from a charity shop. Two nearby bobbies immediately told him to pick his cash up off the pavement which he did gladly, thanking them for pointing out his loss. He was gobsmacked when the coppers then handed him a fixed penalty notice for LITTERING.

Not only is Stewart 40 light, he now has the unwelcome distinction of being the only Scotsman ever to pay above face value for a banknote.

What next? Church congregations charged with hate crimes because their hymn singing can be heard my Muslims out in the street? Football supporters fined for causing noise pollution. People accused of causing environmental damage after mowing their lawns?



Sex On The Beach Dire warnings in the tabloids today about the perils of having sex on the beach when holidaying abroad this summer.

Boggart Blog's fatsally has a few tips to help you enjoy your alfresco rumpy pumpy without getting arrested / infected / drowned

Sex On The Beach
Peacock Rescue
special corrspondent

13 June 2009

I dont watch Springwatch any more. Bill Oddie has moved on so there is little chance of seeing a bearded tit and no matter who presents the show it will never top the classic moment a couple of years ago when a heartbreakingly cute fluffy little baby owl burst out of the eggshell and was straightaway jumped on and swallowed whole by an elder sibling.



Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing
by fatsally
2009-06-11

It seems just as some people thought Kevin Turvey, investigative journalist, aka Rik Mayall; and Alan Partridge, radio DJ and chat show host, aka Steve Coogan, were real people, so some officers in the Met appear to have thought Life on Mars was a guide to good policing techniques.

Apparently two gentlemen of Nigerian extraction, funny that, claim that one was waterboarded, just like in Guantanamo Bay, and the other had his head shoved down the toilet whilst the officer holding him pulled the chain.

The problem with this of course is that the story has got out.

Obviously the alleged victims were not scared enough; that wouldn't have happened back in Gene's day. So, as a special treat, some more advice for the boys in blue from DCI Gene Hunt:
A signed confession covered in the signatories blood will not stand up in court.
And of course you mustn't forget to read them their rights:
Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you choke to death.
All right Lads? Get it right next time.



Transparency As Clear As Mud
by fatsally
2009-06-10

Gordon Brown survived the PLP meeting on Monday evening, when several leading figures in the party told him to go, by bullying; do you want a minister to help you campaign come the general election?, smearing and crawling.

His particular crawl, which I am sure I've heard before from him, was that he would learn from his mistakes, be aware of his weaknesses and try to govern in a more open manner.

36 hours later The Telegraph headlines that despite Sir Christopher Kelly's contention that its findings should be made public, the inquiry by the Commitee for Standards in Public Life into the financial arrangements of Shahid Malik, Mp for Bradford, former Justice Minister and now re-appointed to a post in the Communities and Local government department, old Gordi has refused the release of the report. Transparency that's as clear as mud.

[Comedy Menu ] ... [Boggart Blog ] ...[ Home ]



It's The Sausages Stupid
The European federalisation lobby sneer at suggestions that Bureaucrats in Brussels want to regulate British sausages and standardise on the Eurosausage model. But Bureaucractic regulatory schemes never die, they are just put into suspended animation.

[Comedy Menu ] ... [Boggart Blog ]



The Adventures Of A Deranged Call Centre Worker
by ianrthorpe
2009-06-08

No time to blog today as I have been busy with technical stuff (the other might be along later.) In the meantime you might like to look at the new strip cartoon posted at Greenteeth Multi Media today.

Christopher Walkden - Customer Service Clerk

[Comedy Menu ] ... [Boggart Blog ]



The Art of Cheating?
by cleohart
2009-06-07

Art in this day and age can refer to pretty much anything. I heard recently that a gallery in New York awarded a top cash prize to an artist who produced what was basically a pin-the-tailon-the-donkey (and yes, its interactive, you can move the tail!) from a childs birthday party, but he attached some deep and meaningful bollocks to it to give it substance, and now hes probably laughing his tits off. But somewhere in between the great masters and the talentless piss takers, there lies a grey area: blind photographer. Oh yes, in California they are having a whole exhibition of work from many blind photographers. Now, I dont have anything against the blind, and if taking photos really floats their boat then snap away. What I do take issue with is the blind person taking all the credit as the artist. They cant see fully, if at all, their composition; they dont really know if it turns out how they wanted. Oh, yeah, they have the concept, the image of what they want in their mind. But this will have to be described to another person and set up with all the props or whatever is required, which may or may not be exactly what the photographer had in mind, but well never know, and neither will the photographer. I have a similar issue with the Paralympics. Again, nothing to do with the athletes disability, more the fact that the blind, short distance runners (up to 800m) are assigned a guide runner and 2 lanes; one for the athlete, one for the guide runner. But the medal goes to the athlete. What about the guide runner? Surely they will have had to train as hard, run as fast, break a Paralympics world record if the athlete breaks one? Its a bit like the school bully getting the school swot to do his homework for him.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



The Apprentice Prime Minister
fatsally
2009-06-07

News that Prime Minister Gordon Brown has appointed Sir Alan Sugar, anchorman of reality television show The Apprentice to his cabinet team as Labour's small business tsar makes us wondr just what king of showbiz government is Brown running Or is the decision perhaps based on the knowledge that Labour will be seking to appoint a new leader very soon. As the party's internal elections process failed so disastrously last time perhaps Surgar will lead a new selection method.



Will Labours Top Totty Topple Gordon?
by ianrthorpe
2009-06-06

The resignation of Labour top totty Caroline Flint must have come as something of a surprise to Gordon Brown and his dwindling band of supporters. As recently as Thursday evening curvaceous Caro was reaffirming her loyalty to Gordon Brown and telling television reporters what an excellent job the Prime Minister was doing.

It was something of a shock on Friday then to here the lissom Labour babe had resigned her ministerial position alleging that Brown regarded her as no more than window dressing for the cabinet. What had happened overnight to make everything go pear shaped in the pulchritudinous politicians working relationship with her boss?

Boggart Blog can exclusively reveal the true story behind Foxy Ms. Flints resignation. Our Downing Street insider obtained a copy of an e-mail sent out on Friday morning:

From: gordon@no10
To : caro.flint@labour

Caroline,
You have done a wonderful job as Minister for sexy skirts but now, in the partys hour of need I must ask you to take one extra step. Obviously today will be a dire day for Labours standing in the public perception as the election results come in and our losses pile up.

We desperately need something to divert the attention of the media from our election meltdown. That being the case I have arranged for a photographer from The Sun to call at your place around 11:30 this morning. It is time to get your tits out for the cause.

BTW I would consider it a personal favour if you could wear black stocking with lacy tops.

Very Best Regards,
Gordon.

LEAVING LABOURS sorrows aside for the moment, although Im sure we will return to it, Boggart Blog has been warming to UKIP. Why, you might well ask. Well read this passage from a report in The Guardian of a visit to UKIP HQ.

...and then there is an extrovert, middle aged skinhead wearing jeans and shades.

So youre from The Guardian? he says, full of bonhomie, My brother used to work for The Guardian. Thats the good news. The bad news is I hate him, hes a fucking twat. We said to him the way youre going youll end up working for The Guardian. And he did too, the fucking twat.

Can you imagine The head Of Communications & Media for Labour, the Conservatives or the Lib Dems ever being that entertaining.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Boggart Blog - Undertakers Unlucky Plates Of Meat
Read how an undertaker tried to take a short cut to solve a problem and ended up footing the bill.



Exclusive Interview with Susan Boyle's Cat Pebbles
by fatsally
2009-06-05

Following the sad news of Britain's Got Talent Star Susan Boyle suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of media pressure following her success we bring you an exclusive interview with Susan's cat Pebbles.



Be Careful What You Wish For...
by fatsally
2009-06-02

Oh How those Greek deities up there on Mount Olympus must be chortling away.

Millennia have passed since they were worshipped and feared by the people of Ancient Greece, their temples abandoned to the ravages of time and tourists, their noble statues emasculated in the name of decency, the oracles through which they spoke, silenced.

But gods are wiser than men. They have patiently bided their time.

And now, it appears, they are back with a vengeance.

It is the Greek gods who inspired the term,

"BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR"

and so it comes to pass.

Susan Boyle wanted to be famous, but celebrity in the hands of today's media is a double edged sword and where the press lauded the wee spinster's singing talent they also alighted on her apparent breakdown as the final to BGT drew closer, circling like vultures to record her humiliation of failure and subsequent incarceration at a mental health clinic.

That, of course, could just be a mere coincidence, however there are further instances.

Gordon Brown desperately wanted to be leader of the Labour Party....

The Labour party desperately wanted rid of Tony Blair...

Be careful what you wish for...

RELATED POSTS: The Gods Return To Olympus

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Knife Crime Is No Joke
by Ian R Thorpe

2009-06-02

We are a comedy blog but sometimes comedy, in its theatrical sense, is not about being silly and looking for cheap laughs. No apologies then for being darkly ironic in todays first post.

An item in this mornings news concerned a police/education department initiative to show in schools a video depicting reconstructions of fatal stabbing incidents. The idea is to inform school children about the possible consequences of carrying knives.

Excuse is for seeming nave but it is possible, is it not, that the message school pupils will pick up on is the danger of not having a knife when everyone else is carrying?



Is It A Bird, Is It A Plane? No It's Supergordon!
by fatsally
2009-06-02

As the government goes into meltdown and the economic situation worsens can anybody save Britain now? King Arthur? Merlin? Cometh the hour, cometh the man an old saying goes. but where is our super hero when we most need him. Has Supergordon deserted us or will he return to save the nation?

Supergordonalso appears on Boggart Blog



Breaking news - Britain's Got Talent Senstation!
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-06-01

The story has just landed on the Boggart Blog news desk and we cnnot conform the details yet but we are hearing some senational revelations about Britain's Got Talent runner up Susan Boyle.

You are probably aware Susan was taken to the Priory Clinic when her erratich behaviour led the shows producers to think she was uffering from nervous exhaustion and tabloid journalists to report she was stark raving bonkers in the head.

Several fould mouthed outbursts had led to suspicions Sunan was not the homely spinster who had led a very quiet life that publicists suggested.

What we are hearing now goes way further than that though, and we must remind you these are unsubstantiated allegations so far. Our people inside the Priory are telling us though that Susan was not always Susan. The shaving rash should have been a bit of a clue. What we are hearing is that before gender reassignment surgery around ten years ago Susan Boyle was known to the world as....

RAB. C. NESBIT.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic
by Ian R Thorpe
31 May 2009 Can Things Get Any Worse?

A headline in one of the Sunday papers today read 800 Britons on waiting list for Swiss suicide clinic.

It was not the number that shocked so much as learning there are waiting lists for suicide clinics. Have things really go so bad?

Well maybe a story at The Daly Stirrer which takes in this news item, the story of the mother declsared too stupid to care for her child despite not having mental health issues and having a supportive family and there not being any indication that she might abuse, neglect or ill-treat the child will make you wonder just how far Labour's control freakery has progressed.

Or it might take the plan to compel everybody over 50 to take drugs for high blood pressure whether individuals need them or not to convince you we need to take back control of our country and our lives from the control freaks.

Go to
Can Things Get Any Worse now to read the full article.



Boycotting Britain's Got Talent
by Ian R Thorpe
30 May 2009

Tonight I will rob myself of several good posts over the next few days by boycotting Britain's Got Talent. Why?

Because not only is the final crammed with dance acts, child acts and dancing child acts, there also is not very much talent evident.

Susan Boyle has a wonderful singging voice, sadly it turns out she has, through no fault of her own, a number of issues. These may even include a mild dose of tourette's syndrome. I can't really imagine somebody going down well at the Royal Variety Show after singing "Don't cry for me FUCK OFF! Argentina, the truth is WANK! I never left you."

The precocious child who sang I Could have Danced All Night in an earlier show appeared to fall apart while singing Eidelweiss. Maybe she is not ready for such a big occasion. Or perhaps she was having a little tantrum at being given such a shitty song to sing.

The stupendous talent of D.J. Talent will be sorely missed in the final. Who could ever forget his moving and insightful lyric:
I say talent
You say talent
Britain's Got Talent
It's D.J. Talent

You just can't ignore talent like that.

Also missing will be the extreme juggler who promised to juggle exploding melons failed to do so. He blamed Health and Safety Officers who banned the exploding melons as they posed a risk to life and limb. Funny but the health and Safety Thought Police has no problem with the all girl dance group or the Burlesque danger though both acts featured melons being if not juggled, certainly jiggled.

Another act that deserved more exposure was the guy who put butchers hooks through his ear lobes and dangled a dustbin from them. I mean literlly more exposure. There used to be an act in Circus Arcaos who stripped off behind a screen and, seen only in silhouette, dangled a 56 pound weight from his bollocks. That would have livened things up. We need more acts like him on television.

But what really pissed me off was the elimination of Callum, the kid who did songs from Oliver and Jungle Book. I'm not a fan of musicals but young Callum has a great voice, natural stagecraft and an infectiously jolly personality. And most importantly real, genuine talent.

And he isn't even in the effing final.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Labour Party Turns Into Dad's Army
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-29

Our news desk is receiving reports that a record number of Labour MPs have applied for seats in the House Of Lords in the hope they will be able to stay on the expenses gravy train without having to face the electorate in a few months.

In the wake of the expenses scandal and the Gurka fiasco a mood of despondency has descended on the whole party.

Even Gordon Brown's best mate Ed (the ball) Balls can't see any lihght at the end of the tunnel. He told a press conference "Governing parties tend to do badly in local and European elections. That is what will happen to Labour next week.

Other senior Labour figures put it more bluntly. "We're doomed, we're all doomed" said one, echoing Private Fraser from Dad's Army.

Can't wait for the bit where Hazel Blears (4'10") draws herself up to her full height, looks at Gordon Brown and says, "Stupid boy."

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Cold Case People keep some very strange stuff in their freezers

In Memory Of Scandals Past They don't make political scandals like they used to.

Is Top Footballer The Boy Detective From a 1960s Comic Strip
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-28

I was still reading comics at the start of the 1960 so I write from authentic memories as nothing in the world of pre pubescent and adolescent boys changed much between the end of World War 2 and the mid 1970s.

So there I was watching the footy last night and reflecting on what it is about Christian Ronaldo I find slightly disturbing. And it came to me in one of those flashes of cosmic consciousness in which the mind transcends the physical limitations of time and space.

Ronaldo reminds me of one of those badly drawn characters, a boy-detective or boy-reporter or something that featured in Hotspur, Rover, Wizard and the rest. You know the guy, his sidekick was always a Border Collie. The plot of these stories was the same every week: badly drawn boy reporter / detective / secret agent gets into a bad situation, the dog sorts it out and the stupid kid gets the credit. Then a fat posh bloke in a top hat pops up and says "you and your dog saved the day, here's ten shillings to get yourself a slap up tea."

We shall perhaps never know what happened to the Border Collie. Pity, United could have done with it in midfield last night.



Sheep Burp, Cows Fart And The Government Has Pie In The Sky
by fatsally
2009-05-26

Given the success of previous campaigns which aimed to alter the public's artery clogging, alcohol abusing, binge drinking, chain smoking, obesity inducing, unsafe shagging promiscuous lifestyles; and also given that this Government now finds itself with loads of money on its hands after the MP's expenses debacle, and what with no incompetantly run banks left to bail out, our elected members have decided to launch a campaign to get us to eat less beef and lamb and more chicken and pork.

The rationale behind this latest glorious waste of taxpayer's money is that cows and sheep fart and burp a lot, respectively, whereas pigs and chickens don't fart and burp to the same extent.

When the cows are farting and the sheep are burping they are releasing vast quantities of methane into the atmosphere and so really, despite us humans driving around in cars; using central heating when it's cold; using air conditioning when it's warm; flying away to sushine paradises all year round; lighting up our patio heaters and barbecues whilst we singe a sausage or two and get quietly sloshed, causing us to burp and fart more; import exotic fruits and vegetables to gently decay in our state of the art fridges; consume vast quantities of designer water neatly packaged in plastic bottles which we then chuck in the bin, or better still out of the car window; whilst we consume more, becoming ever larger and rounder and consequently producing more emissions ourselves - global warming is not our fault.

Government advisers are developing menus to counteract climate change apparently. Pretentious or what?

Anyway some devout bods are busy calculating the carbon footprint of food and drink products.

So lamb and beef ar off the menu and surprise surprise so is alcohol. Greenhouse grown tomatoes are also a no no, but funnily enough coca cola and chocolate aren't.

Hmmm I think they've still got some way to go on this one. Or maybe they have some party supporters with large chequebooks who happen to be in the soft drinks and confectionary trade. Who knows?

Anyway the message is clear and we will, of course respond in our usual British fashion and completely ignore it and carry on as we were.

RELATED POSTS:
Dr Strangelove's Secret Bacon Butty Weapon
It is not that long since Government Scientists (cue opening chords from Bach's Toccata and Fuge) were telling us how eating pork and bacon would give us all cancer.



HMS Discovery: the BNP's Election Battleship?
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-22

It seems the decision of The London Assembly to invite BNP councillor Richard Barnbrook to The Queens Buck House garden party was a bit of a faux pas especially as Barnbrook decided to take along as his guest BNP leader Nick Griffin. About the only person who was pleased by this was Prince Phil the Greek who is absolutely delighted and is rumoured to have commented in private, At last there will be somebody there with whom I can have a nice chat about wogs, coons and slitty eyed little yellow bastards.

Palace officials are worried however that Her Maj may find it difficult to make small talk with Barnbrook and Griffin. Imagine:
Equerry: Richard Barnbrook and Nick Griffin Mam.
Queen: Hello, its so nice to meet you, and what o you do?
BNP boys: Were racists Mam.
Queen: Really, how very interesting.

The officials need fear not. Although the pair are capable of turning the most vacuous banalities into propaganda Her Maj, who has spent a lifetime opening art galleries, museums, exhibitions, theatres and civic centres will be safe if she sticks to the arts. Richard Barnbrook you see is a film director who specialises in low budget art house movies. his best known film to date is titled HMS Discovery.

Despite the title it is not a film about life on one of the ships used in Captain Cooks voyages of exploration or a ripping yarn about George Vancouvers mapping expedition to the west coast of Canada. It is much more arty than that. Blurbs describe HMS Discovery as a sensitive love story in which a group of men embark on a personal voyage to explore their sexuality. The plot features full frontals of aroused men, scenes of al fresco sex, mutual masturbation, flagellation and bondage. If Her Majesty runs out of chat about all this surely she will find many topics to talk about with another old queen.

Some people have described HMS Discovery as pure pornography. Just shows how far people will go to discredit the BNP.

BTW, the leader of the ultra macho, head-shaving, West ~ham shirt wearing BNP is going to a party as the escort of a man who makes gay porn movies (oops pardon, I meant sensitive love stories.) What's that all about?

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Rich Bankers
by fatsally
2009-05-21

I've just had an interesting conversation with a chap from my bank.

And it is my bank, and yours too, we're majority share holders I believe, because my bank took on millions of pounds worth of debt from people who couldn't afford to pay and had to come and ask our representatives in Parliament for a handout of our money. So the money the bank has is mine anyway, right?

So they wanted to charge me 21 for going 12 overdrawn for a maximum 16 hours. That's fair innnit?

I used to have a 1000 overdraft facility but they had decided that as I didn't use it I didn't need it.

They were supposed to revue that in April, but hey ho, for some reason they decided to change it in March, and then guess what, a direct debit for 92 went out the day before a payment of 80 went in.

So there I am trying to get the overdraft facility back, not a grand though, but 100 maybe, just to be on the safe side. And what did the chappie tell me?

I couldn't have an overdraft greater than the regular payments going into the account, so 50 was the maximum I could get. Apparently they're worried I might not pay them back.

Neatly overlooking the feeling amongst us taxpayers that we won't get our money back and it's a sight more than 12. He suggested that I put say 200 into that account each month, then I'd get a 100 overdraft, but as I only spend 120 from that account each month I wouldn't need one would I?

I aked if I was in credit whether the bank would pay me a 15 arrangement fee and 6 per day in charges for every day I was in credit but he thought I was being silly.

That's rich coming from a banker.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Labour MPs Food Bill: Fat Cat or Fat Bastard. More Bad News For Conservatives.
by ianrthorpe
2009-05-19

We would like to move on from the MPs expenses scandal, we really would but the stories that keep being revealed present satirical bloggers with such wide open goals it would be a crime to miss them (unless you are a Newcastle United striker in which case it is par for the course,)

The latest blow to Labours political credibility comes from chief whip and the Prime Ministers enforcer Nick Brown (no relation) who, news media have revealed claimed 18,000 in unreceipted expenses for food. Unreceipted means he was not eating in expensive restaurants but was either pigging out on junk from fast food places or buying multiple trolleyloads of stuff down the supermarket.

How does anyone spend eighteen grand on food? Even if he only shops at Waitrose thats a lorra scran. And how hypocritical are these people, always banging on about how evil it is to be overweight and how obesity is dragging the country towards bankruptcy. Its not as if those greedy buggers are all borderline anorexic is it?

Still, on the plus side anyone who eats that much food would not need to claim for manure to spread on his garden.

But it is not just Labour that keep scoring own goals. With knobheads like Gloucester candidate Richard Graham the Conservatives are not home and hosed yet.

Richard posted on his website a copy of a letter sent to The Times (perhaps our resident Times reader fatsally can tell us whether it was printed exactly as written.) The message Richard sent is reproduced below: verbatim.

For anyone aspiring to be an MP its been pretty depressing to see how ridiculed politicians have become. You are all the same is the cry on the doorstep but of course we are not even if the Telegraph has unearthed a lot of bad apples, and it was reassuring yesterday and today to meet people who realised that and just want to see some honesty and hard work from their cunt.

Queried on this Richard said he was tired when he typed the item and it should have read councillor.

So leaving aside the grammatical shortcomings and the intriguing reference to unearthing apples (perhaps he was thinking of pommes de terre) it remains to be established if Mr. Graham is a lousy typist or simply illiterate.

The voters of Gloucester will decide.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Shock! Horror! You Mean It Wasn't True? by fatsally
2009-05-19

Little Alfie Patten, thirteen going on seven year old, is said to be devastated that DNA tests have proved he is not the father of 'girlfriend' Chantelle Stedman's daughter, Maisie.

Alfie claimed, or at least whoever was manipulating him did, that he had been going out with Chantelle for two years, that she had been a virgin and that he was the only boy she had slept with.

However there then followed a parade of teenaged boys claiming that they had slept with Chantelle, at her home, with her mother's knowledge and implicit consent.

A bit like that scene in Spartacus really.

"I slept with Chantelle nine months ago."

"I slept with Chantelle nine months ago."

"I slept with Chantelle nine months ago."

It was at this point that social sevices stepped in, right on the ball, as usual, and an injunction was obtained banning any more reporting on the story. DNA samples were taken from all the boys involved and it now turns out that a lad called Tyler Barker is the father. Tyler would have been fourteen at the time of conception, which is really a tad young to be doing anything more than sniggering over your Dad's secret porn pile, wouldn't make half such a good story.

He also looks like a typical teenager, spiky hair, cheeky grin, a bit of a twinkle in his eye, not nearly as interesting as the almost infantesque Alfie.

Makes you wonder about the motivation for bringing the story of Alfie and Chantelle onto the front pages really, doesn't it? Was it public interest or was it the lure of The Sun's chequebook and the chance for the infamous fifteen minutes of fame.

Suffice to say I'm sure anyone with half a brain was, like Boggartblog, extremely sceptical of the claim in the first place.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Revenge On The Trouser Snake A word of warning to the boys, we know you have to sit on the loo, but it could be best to look before you dump. A chap went off to the loo, presumably with the Sunday paper for a nice, long, commune with nature...

CLICK HERE to read Revenge On The Trouser Snake>

Does Multiculturalism Work? (Eurovision Song Contest) by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-18 18:31:46 Does Multiculturalism work? Three words, Eurovision effing Song Contest. This geriatric schlockfest was one of the first attempts to create a single European culture. The two things it created are a forum in which petty grudges and resentments can be maintained at a low level (when what is really needed

You Can't Keep A Good Nutter Down
Some people just can't help themselves, they have to stand and shout, "LOOK AT ME" any and every chance they get. So it is with defrocked vicar Neil Horan.
He first came to public notice at the Atlanta Olympics when he grabbed the leading runner

Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times? Ooer Missis.
Here in Britain we have not been much aware of the storm that has blown up around the winner of the Miss California beauty contest.
What kicked it all off was this: when contestant Carrie Prejean...
CLICK HERE to read all Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times? Ooer Missis.

Fart Flavoured Snacks
We know everything is going to shite but are the British public ready for fart flavoured snacks? This is not traditional farty smelling snacks such as Dry Roast Peanuts we are talking about, they actually taste quite peanutty once the fart sealed inside the bag as a preservative has been released. Neither are we talking about Bombay Mix which provides...
CLICK HERE to read all Fart Flavoured Snacks

Escalator Crime Escalates
The Barnsley Chronicle (Town Edition) features pictures on its front page of two elderly gentleman who have apparently had a bit of a coming together with a rogue escalator.
Jack Faulkner, the earliest victim commented, "Someone is going to get killled...
CLICK HERE to read all Escalator Crime Escalates

BNP? You Dont Scare Me, Na-naa na na-naa
Looking beyond the MPs expenses scandal yesterday for the first time in what seems like years I was surprised to find life is still going on out there. One story we missed were the party political broadcasts by lunatic fringe parties for the...
CLICK HERE to read all BNP? You Dont Scare Me, Na-naa na na-naa

The Importance Of Not Losing Your Set A Level Texts
by fatsally
@ 2009-05-15

Drawn back towards consciousness from the depths of dreamland, wither my head nodded over my desk, I peeked around the office door to find the cause of the commotion.

The Apprentice: Margate Falls Into Sere And Yellow Leaf. Not!
by ianrthorpe
2009-05-14
Blind to the credit crunch, deaf to the cries of the dispossessed as hunger bites, oblivious to the Swine Flu, contestants in The Apprentice last night went down to Margate having been given the task of rebranding the tired, tawdry, run down resort. Rebranding, thats when you, like, dont change anything, you just get...
CLICK HERE to read The Apprentice Falls Into Sere And Yellow Leaf

Unhappy Pills Being unhappy makes people reach for comfort food. Eating comfort food makes people fat. Being fat causes depression, ergo being slim and eating comfort food both make people happy the diet industry reasons. So why not develop a happy pill that stops people getting fat no matter how much confort food they eat? If only life was that simple... CLICK HERE to readUnhappy Pills

Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress.
Ian R Thorpe
12 May 2009

The fervid anticipation preceding the release of Liberal Democrats dodgy expenses claims turned into a sense of disappointment today as the embarrassing items we had hoped to see were absent. Where, for example, were the invoices for 5000 gallon tankers of Vodka delivered to Charlie Kennedys second home or the bill for supply of intravenous drip equipment so the former leaders could stay topped up while paralytic?

How did one time leadership contender Mark Oaten conceal the bills for personal services from his rent boy? As maintenance work perhaps: To French Polishing a tallboy, 50 ?

Lembit Opik, whose name we did not make up but wish we had, was also a letdown. His claims had been widely looked forward to but it turned out his only misdemeanour was trying to charge taxpayers 40 court fees for a summons issued over non payment of council tax. While the amount is not spectacular the audacity of trying to get taxpayers to for your tax bill is worth a mention.

In spite of that we have a right to think Lembit short changed us after we treated him so generously. Where were the bills for gold lame knickers he surely bought for his Cheeky Girl inamorata. We have a right to be entertained by such stuff but the Lib Dems let us down. LD Smurf Sarah Treather (49) indulged in a bit of self righteousness by saying it would be ridiculous for her to claim for a second home as her first home, in her constituency, was only half an hour by tube from Westminster. Members in other parties had pulled such stunts though, she said darkly.

Was she by any chance referring to Labour Smurf Hazel Blears (410)? Probably not as Ms Blears constituency is several traffic jams up the M1 and M6 although her many homes are all over the place and seem to change location quite often. It is nice to know the reputation of Parliamentary Smurfs is not totally besmirched. We advise young Sarah not to overdo it though, nobody likes a smug tart.

The only Lib Dem to really impress was former leaders Menzies (Evil Emperor Ming) Campbell who charged ten grand for having his rather small London flat decorated. Ten grand seems a lot to pay for a few rolls of woodchip paper and a can of emulsion paint from Homebase and makes the 82 claimed by current leaders Nick (Shagger) Clegg for phone calls to his mates as in male buddies not his myriad former lovers. To his great credit Clegg claimed 7000 for renovations to his constituency home but the legitimacy of that claim is not in question, in fact Mr Clegg has agreed to repay the 100 over the annual limit he inadvertently claimed. Cleggs 160 per month gardening costs raised a few eyebrows but I can vouch for the expensive nature of garden maintenance having recently paid a hit man 5000 to impale our gardener here at Thorpe towers after he became a bit too enthusiastic about pruning my favourite Buddleia. If only we could, for 5,000, get someone to impale Douglas Hogg or Margaret Moran (Lab. Lootin South) who claimed her partners house in Southampton as the second home when it is further from her Bedfordshire constiuency than her first home or Westminster.

The Liberal Democrats have been enjoying a surge of popularity in recent weeks as the angry punters turned on the main parties. Unfortunately ever since they were just The plain vanilla Liberals has had an unerring knack of turning lacklustre mediocrity into thundering ineptitude just as their rivals were making lacklustre mediocrity look appealing.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Revenge On The Trouser Snake A word of warning to the boys, we know you have to sit on the loo, but it could be best to look before you dump. A chap went off to the loo, presumably with the Sunday paper for a nice, long, commune with nature...

CLICK HERE to read Revenge On The Trouser Snake>

The Feeding Of The Fifty Million Conservative and independent critics of the freespending ways of Barack Obama and his Magic band are wondering how the three and a half trillion dollars the new President has already committed itself to spending can possibly...
CLICK HERE to read
The Feeding Of The Fifty Million From A Bag OShite To A Chandelier And Back.
Ian R Thorpe 11 May 2009

Yesterdays report on the Bag OShite MPs expenses scandal concluded with the promise we would bring you further and even more astounding revelations about the bizarre expenses claims made by Members of Parliament.

Today we honour our promise.

Sir Michael Spicer (Con, Rawtenborough South) successfully claimed the cost of having a chandelier hung at his Manor House which he insists is his second home despite its having been in the family for about 3,000 years.

Sir Michael also claimed 5,600 over a period of nine months for gardening costs. The claim is insufficiently detailed for us to discern how much of this was due to labour costs and how much he paid per Bag OShite.

James Arbuthnot (aka The Hon. James Nigel Jeremy Rupert PonsonbyTwat Arbuthnot claimed 2,700 last year for work on trees. Asked if he was aware of the rule stating: Claims must only be made for expenditures necessary to enable members to perform their duties properly, Arbuthnot told our reporter: How dare you question me, you despicable little oik, shouldnt you be down a coal mine or something?

The worst case of abuse of the system so far however is the claim submitted by Douglas Hogg, agriculture secretary in the last Conservative Government. He expected us poor taxpayers to pay for having the moat, YES, MOAT!!! around his castle cleaned.

When challenged by a Boggart Blog reporter about how he could possibly think this was a legitimate expense, this is what he said:

Of course it is fair, Since this wretched Labour government abolished fox hunting the local meet have had to hunt chavs instead. After the hunt they throw the dead bodies in the moat. The stink is becoming intolerable.

Taxpayers also forked out for maintenance work in the stables of Hoggs country home which brings us nicely back to the Bag OShite issue.

Top Of PageThe Daily StirrerMore ComedyHomeBoggart Blog DailyA Tale Told By An Idiot



Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-11
The details of MPs dodgy expenses claims continue to land on the Boggart Blog News Desk 24 hours a day. Our reporters are on round the clock alert to bring you...
CLICK HERE to read Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses.

Bare Faced Cheek
by fatsally
2009-05-11

It goes from bad to worse for Gordon the Terrible. Having been thoroughly out-manoeuvred by Patsy and her Gurkha friends, the PM spent the weekend reading about his ministers sometimes fanciful expenses claims. Then to cap it all...
CLICK HERE to read Bare Face Cheek

Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag oshite politics.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-11

While we all sit back to watch the news and enjoy the witch hunt of Labour ministers over their eccies, from Jaqui Smiths 89p bath plug to Barbara Follets....
CLICK HERE to read Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag oshite politics.

How Shite Are Sats Tests?
We have had a discussion going on over on Little Nicky Machiavelli about the validity of SATS test, the government's pestilential league tables and the teachers' threat to boycott them. So:
How Shite Are SATS tests?

Surprise! Sex Does Not Sell Computer Games.
You might think computer games are one of the most obvious examples that the adage "sex sells" is not just an advertising industry cliche but a universal truth. Not so, sex does not actually sell computer games - at least not if it is the kind of sex that involves real woment or even realistic looking avatars.



Action Man, Johnny Gurka and Joanna
More on the story of fair treatment for Gurka veterans. They are to get an action man figure

Conspiracy Theory Of The Month - Dumbing Down
Ian Thorpe.

humour, satire education, politics, war

The Conspiracy Theory of the Month feature kicks off with Dumbing Down. A stupid population is a compliant population so what better way for the New World Order brigade to strip people of their rights, liberties and the ability to think for themselves than by first making everybody stupid. The decline of education and its replacement by coaching to examination, the homogenisation of the media, all could be parts of a giant conspiracy to take us back to the days when ordinary people could be sent put in a very deep hole for breaking wind in front of a gentleman. The gentleman had a divine right to fart first.



Holy Hibernation Batman
Ian R Thorpe
6 May 2009
Have the caped crusaders been beaten at last? Will a new disease than has been wiping out bat colonies across America and led to all Bat Caves being closed and boarded up finally put the Dynamic Duo out of action and left the streets of Gotham City without protection from the mendacious miscreants who prey on honest citizens? And what will happen when the disease wiping out bats jumps to humans? It's another opportunity for the government to spread Fear and Panic.



50 Sarko Wants To Emulate The Stink That Was Rome.
Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-01

All politicians lose the plot eventually with the exceptions perhaps of Tony Blair, Margaret Thatcher and Barack (Im President of the whole Universe and everything else besides) Obama all of whom were barking mad on assuming office...
Some are born bonkers, some achieve bonkersness and some have bonkersness thrust upon them as Shakespeare might have said. Though still clinically sane we are assured, French President Nicolas Sarkozy seems to be getting close to the...
To read full post Sarko Wants To Emulate The Stink That Was Rome.CLICK HERE

Cameron, Clegg and Lumley
by ian R Thorpe
2009-04-30
I know they sound like a legal practice in Barnoldswick but Conservative leaders David Cameron, the Liberal Democrats Nick Shagger Clegg and Joanna (Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous) Lumley, still looking absolutely fabulous at sixty something, have been collaboration to embarrass Gordon Brown. Shifty Gordon had tried to shaft the Gurkas, those Nepalese regiments that for historic reasons are part of the British Army. The Gurkas have been asking quite politely for the right to settle in Britain after serving the nation for twenty years in...
To read full post Cameron. Clegg and Lumley CLICK HERE

Anti Ageing Properties of Any Old Gloop Scientifically Proved.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-04-29
On seeing in the news today that began with the words Boots anti-ageing treatment my first reaction was to turn the page and look for something funny in the Swine Flu coverage. A product to keep boots in pristine condition is probably very welcome to some people but I wear trainers and would have no use for it. To raed full post on The Anti Ageing Properties Of Any Old Gloop CLICK HERE



Daily Stirrer Archives





 

If you enjoyed this, share it with others.
delicious magnolia mixx pulsetaggeddigg







buzz it up delicious magnolia mixx pulse tagged digg