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Humour, or humor if you must, is in limited supply in the world but if you are looking for laughter look no more. The Boggart Blog team bridge the generation gap, the gender divide and leap across the many dimensions of the multiverse to bring you a funny and sometimes crazy take on whatever is in the news plus a few things that are not. In the past decade trust in the media has diminished so you would be justified in asking "Can we trust Boggart Network News?" Well yes you can, we are proud to say we have never sacrificed a joke for the sake of the truth. Delve into Boggart Blog but be prepared to find yourself taking life less seriously.

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Lembit Opik Hits Jupiter

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Crusty Old Wives Tales Not So Unscientific

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A Rare Outbreak Of Sanity

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Heather Mills McCartney On A Mission

Rat Arsed Badger

Scientists Have Not Made Sperm

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Like A Ferret Up A Drainpipe

Benefit Fraud Psycho

Fear Of Soup Peacock Rescue

Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing

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Will Labours Top Totty Topple Gordon?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Knife Crime Is No Joke

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Britain's Got Talent Sensation!

800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic

Boycotting Britain's Got Talent

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You Mean It Wasn't True

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May 2020 But this type of censorship is becoming par for the course on news and social media websites, as the liberal extremist billionaires of Silicon Valley try to purge any opinions they do not like from the public domain.

Bill Gates running deadly global “vaccine empire” that can only exist through extreme censorship
The reason why Microsoft co-founder and billionaire eugenicist Bill Gates is being given so much airtime amid the Wuhan coronavirus (COVID-19) crisis is because Gates is currently the world’s largest manufacturer of vaccines, as well as the money behind the mass vaccination agenda.
Gates is also the single-largest donor to both the World Health Organization (WHO) and the CDC Foundation, both of which act as marketing arms for his global vaccine empire.

Coronavirus man made? We told you so …
A new study released yesterday confirms of of the “conspiracy theories” is, if not proven correct, at least far more credible that any of the bullshit scenarios peddled by mainstream media. In early March, 2020 we reported comments by an eminent virologist who had studied the virus then still raging in China and concluded that it was man made rather than a product of evolution “Nutty conspiracy theory,” the authority worshippers screeched in unison

Oxford Covid Vaccine Fails But Big Pharma Will Sell It Anyway
Many highly - placed members of the lockdown forever cult, Bill Gates among them, have been spreading the idea that lockdown must continue until a vaccine for COVID - 19 is available because only a vaccine can save us. More level headed types (i.e. those of us routinely dismissed as conspiracy theorists, have warned that as the virus affects the upper respiratory tract and nasal passages, where there can be no antibody response it is unlikely there will ever be an effective vaccine ...

Coronavirus: Anti — lockdown protests show freedom is not quite dead in UK
Not many protestors turned out for the weekend’s anti — lockdown protests, a few thousand rather than tens of thousands, the anti — lockdown protesters were a very mixed crowd, a representative cross — section of 21st century London and definitely less posh, white and middle class than the weekend crusties who turn up reeking of Patchouli Oil at Ekstinktion Rebellion events....Continue reading >>>

Italian Politician Demands Bill Gates Arrest For Crimes Against Humanity
As the FDA shuts down a Bill Gates-funded COVID-testing program, an Italian politician has demanded the arrest of Bill Gates in the Italian parliament.
Sara Cunial, the Member of Parliament for Rome denounced Bill Gates as a “vaccine criminal” and urged the Italian President to hand him over to the International Criminal Court for crimes against humanity.
She also exposed Bill Gates’ agenda in India and Africa, along with the plans to chip the human race through the digital identification program ID2020. Coninue reading >>>

Don’t Be Fooled, Elites Have Been Planning This Power Grab For Years
As long as large portions of the economy remain on lockdown, the government will be forced to perform massive stimulus programs/ social spending. This Friday morning, the House is preparing to vote on a $3 trillion stimulus bill later today. While the particular bill in question is chock full of Democrats’ legislation and likely won’t make it through the Senate, the White House and the GOP are both in favor of providing additional stimulus checks to Americans in the near future.

As We Predicted The Coronavirus bill Is The Biggest Assault On Freedom Since World War 2
Things have gone so far beyond what a rational response to an outbreak of a highly contagious but for most people relatively minor illness that I am starting to believe the conspiracy theories. Along with my fellow Boggart Bloggers I predicted weeks ago the current outbreak of the so - called coronavirus would see a massive hyping of the threat level leading up to an assault on our freedoms. And that is exactly what we have seen happening over the past week.

Critics Batter The Fake Science Used To Justify The Lockdown As Boris Waffles
Regular readers may recall this blog was among the first to expose the fact that the pandemic model predicting 500,000 COVID – 19 deaths if the entire nation was not placed under indefinite house arrest was based on a deeply flawed mathematical model of the pandemic built by a “scientist” at Imperial College, London, a college heavily reliant on funding from the Bill and Melinda Gates foundation. You may also recall we have reported on the determination of psychopathic megalomaniac Gates to insert himself into this phoney crisis

A Goat, A Papaya & A Pheasant Test COVID Positive: Tanzanian President Catches WHO In Epic Lie
As suspicions about whether the COVID 19 outbreak is as serious as we are being told, continue to grow all around the world, and the role of the World Health Organisation in promotinf widespread fear and panic comes under scrutiny, the government of African nation Tanzania has revealed it set a trap involving the notorioisly unreliable COVID - 19 test for the WHO and the global healthcare authority walked right into it.

April 2020

Total Surveillance: Contact-tracing app will be ‘key part’ of UK government’s Covid-19 ‘surveillance programme’
The hugely unpopular NHS contact-tracing app proposal, which as libertarians point out will giver the government the power to track all our movements, will be a “key part” of the U.K. government’s Covid-19 containment policy for the foreseeable future, [ ... ] The app, designed ostensibly to notify smartphone users if they came into close contact with someone who had tested positive for the coronavirus, will give government agencies new powers, to record and store the complete movements of individuals and details of those with whom they were in contact.

Lockdown: How can anyone defend the “scientists.”
As we digested Boris Johnson’s address to the nation this morning, and mainstream media fell over themselves praising the Prime Ministers cautious approach and adherence to the advice of “scientists,” my own reaction was FUCK YOU BORIS. Being disables I don’t get out much I but will be arguing for a campaign of civil disobedience to prove the idiotic bletherings of “scientists” with their mathematical models of the real world do more harm than good.

Coronavirus: The data Says DON’T PANIC, End The Lockdown Now
The COVID-19 pandemic appears to be entering the containment phase. Americans are now desperate for sensible policymakers who have the courage to ignore the panic and rely on facts. Leaders must examine accumulated data, combine that empirical evidence with fundamental principles of biology and then thoughtfully end the lockdown. Five key facts are being ignored by those calling for continuing the near-total lockdown.

COVID-19 Is A Man-Made Virus: HIV-Discoverer Says "Could Only Have Been Created In A Lab
As the mainstream media and politicians begin to raise/admit the possibilities that the source of COVID-19 was likely a lab in Wuhan (accidentally leaked or otherwise) - before being mocked, censored, and chastised it appears more actual 'scientists,' or at least those not paid by or working for a lab in Wuhan, China) are willing to admit what we suspected all along - this virus is man-made.

Coronavirus: Something To Make Us Smile
Most of us are confused about the rules we’re supposed to follow during lockdown, and no one more so that the thick, blundering plod who seem to think they should be arresting people for buying non essential stuff like food, roughing up people who are sitting in their gardens, or kicking front doors down and busting up illicit social gatherings of one person sitting alone in his house. So here is a concise summary of the rules, which makes what you can and can’t do clear as mud

Recommded real news: Back to business as usual on COVID - 19 (8 April 2020)
Today: COVID-19 Computer Models Continue To Deteriorate; Covid-19 drags French economy into deep recession the likes of which it has not seen since 1945; Oil Prices Tumble As Russia Balks At Proposed US Production Cut; Kissinger says ‘even US’ can’t defeat Covid-19 alone. His solution? Global NWO government, of courseKissinger says ‘even US’ can’t defeat Covid-19 alone. His solution? Global NWO government, of course[Kissinger says ‘even US’ can’t defeat Covid-19 alone. His solution? Global NWO government, of course

Food fascists

The European Union’s Food Safety Authority has approved the sale of bugs as “novel food,” meaning that they are likely to be mass produced for human consumption throughout the continent by the end of the year.

March 2020

The Coronavirus Resp Is The Biggest Assault On Freedom Since World War 2
Things have gone so far beyond what can be considered a rational response to an outbreak of a highly contagious but for most people relatively minor illness that I am starting to believe even the conspiracy theories I know I made up myself. Boggart Bloggers predicted weeks ago the current outbreak of coronavirus would see a massive hyping of the threat level leading up to an assault on our freedoms ...

Will the meaures put in place to stop COVID-19 coronavirus help save the environment? The measures put into place due to Covid 19 seem to be having a positive environmental impact reduced pollution etc Is it possible that humanity can work together to continue the activities that lead to a cleaner environment? Question posed on Quora.com

Scientist who convinced Boris lockdown was the only way to beat coronavirus criticised many times for flawed research

The scientist whose mathematical models of how the coronavirus would spread in the UK and the wildly exaggerated estimates of how many deaths might result from the epidemic reportedly led to the decision to implement a countrywide lockdown and trash the economy has been criticised in the past for flawed research.

Has The World Health Organisation Been Helping Chinese Coronavirus Cover Up
Many people suspected as far back as January, when stories about an epidemic of a new virus began to leak out of China that we were not and would not be told the whole story. The virus infecting thousands of Chinese in the large inland city of Wuhan was, we learned, a strain of corona virus, the genre that infects us with the common cold, influenza and a host of other infections of varying seriousness.

Coronavirus deaths: Are The Authorities Deceiving Us?Yesterday we reported that a Canadian outfit had carried out an analysis of China’s response to Coronavirus and concluded that while politicians and academics (aka “scientists” or “experts”) are heaping praise on the way the regime in Beijing has contained and controlled its epidemic, the Chinese have actually been lying, the epidemc is still raging and numbers of infections and deaths from COVID – 19 are far higher than reported,

Is This The Smoking Gun That Proves China Has Lied About The Coronavirus Outbreak
With the number of confirmed cases of, and deaths from coronavirus in Italy, a nation of 63 million people having now surpassed the number of infections officially admitted by the government of China, a nation of 1.4 billion and the nation where the news strain of coronavirus, COVID – 19 was first observed, it was obvious to the realists among us that the Chinese government’s claims to have contained the virus were deeply suspect and further claims that the outbreak were under control were as reliable as reported sightings of The Tooth Fairy ...

As We Predicted The Coronavirus bill Is The Biggest Assault On Freedom Since World War 2
Things have gone so far beyond what can be considered a rational response to an outbreak of a highly contagious but for most people relatively minor illness that I am starting to believe even the conspiracy theories I know I made up myself. Along with my fellow Boggart Bloggers I predicted weeks ago the current outbreak of the so - called coronavirus would see a massive hyping of the threat level leading up to an assault on our freedoms. And that is exactly what we have seen happening over the past week.

Germany’s Official State TV Channel Cheers Coronavirus For Killing Old People
Trawling around the weirder fringes of the web, as we bloggers and cyberjournalists are sometimes obliged to if we want to bring you the news the mainstream will not report, one occasionally comes across something important but disturbing – like being brought face – to – face with how sick and warped the far left ecopsychos really are. Take a sketch recently broadcast as part of a satirical show the title of which translates as Bohemian Browser Ballet, shown by German state broadcaster ARD.

UK To Ask Citizens Over 70 To Self - Isolatate For 4 MONTHS As Coronavirus Fails To Kill Zillions UK Health Secretary Matt Hancock today confirmed the government plans to ask people aged over 70 to isolate themselves for up to four months amid a coronavirus pandemic. The goal is to protect them. It's quite obvious to us, experienced bloggers that we are, that the government, civil service, law encorgement and national security agencies and all the assorted experts and talking heads have forgotten the lesson our generation learned from The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy ...

EU States Rebel Against Brussels As Van Leyen Demands Borders Stay Open
The cracks in European solidarity are growing deeper by the day as the coronavirus crisis threatens to split the bloc. The response of European leaders has varied from panic, as several member-states have takeen unilateral action including severe border closures, to a laissez - fair attidude, notably from France's idiot president Emmanuel Macron who favours total inaction, having said complacently that viruses don't recognise borders.

US John Hopkins University Prof Says Don't Believe Corona Virus Numbers
The number of confirmed cases outside of China roughly tripled once again this week, and if this outbreak continues to escalate at this pace there will be more than a million confirmed cases in less than a month. But as bad as the official numbers are, the truth is that there are a whole lot more people walking around out there that have caught the virus but have not been tested.

University free speech society told free speech a 'red risk', external speakers must be vetted

Sheffield University’s recently formed Free Speech Society has been warned that free speech is a “red risk” and all external speakers at events it organises will have to be vetted by the University Thought Police squad and the topics they intend to talk about shown to be in line with ideas and opinions the titty - sucking babies who run the Student Union are not frightened by. Coninue Reading

Biden the Democrats least hopeless hopeful? Or is he?
A senior U.S. Republican reportedly said recently that the most difficult ticket Donald Trump could face in the next election would be Joe Biden partnered by Elizabeth Warren. This was not, needless to say, because Biden was a brilliant debater or a lethal political adversary. “If he was any stupider, my you’d have to water him”, the anonymous Republican quipped.See also >>>

Black Man Kicked Out Of Labour Party For Telling The Truth About Islam
Trevor Phillips, a life long campaigner for equality and former chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission, has been suspended by The Labour Party and faces an investigation and could be expelled from the party over comments made some years ago amout the unwillingness of many Muslim immigrants to integrate into British society and particularly about the treatment of women in Islam.More on Labour Party

Underage Girl Used Like ‘Piece of Meat’ By ‘Asian’ Grooming Gang
Four “Asian” men have been found guilty for their roles in sexually grooming a 15-year-old girl, who the court heard the men passed around like a “piece of meat”. The grooming gang members were found guilty of rape and conspiracy to pervert the course of justice. The men were convicted at Sheffield Crown Court on Wednesday

Spain Arrests People Traffickers And Drug Smugglers Crossing From North Africa in Speedboats
Spanish police announced the arrest of 90 people involed in a smuggling rackets that moved both people and drugs from Africa to Europe. The Civil Guard released a statement today stating that the smuggling network regularly moved people and drugs from Ceuta, a Spanish enclave in northern Africa to The Costa del Sol in high powered semi inflatable speedcraft of the type often used to move illegal immigrants from Libya to Italy or Turkey to Greece.

Turkey Kills Over 50 Syrian Troops, Russian Warplanes Intervene to Halt OffensiveTurkey Kills Over 50 Syrian Troops, Russian Warplanes Intervene to Halt Offensive
Conflict in Syria’s Idlib Province has escalated during the past week, with Turkish forces attacking the Syrian army and claiming to have killed over 50 soldiers. Russia, the main Syrian ally in the conflict, took the pressure off Assad and sent a clear message to Turkey’s President Erdogan by sending in warplanes to halt to Turkish assault ...

Le Pen Calls For Referendum To Stop “Submersion” Of France Via Mass ImmigrationMarine Le Pen, leader of the French Rassemblement National (National Rally) has called for a referendum on immigration policy to stop what she called the “submersion” of France via a “globalist” program of mass immigration. Speaking in a debate on problems caused by mass immigration, Le Pen told the French Parliament that the political establishment had betrayed French people ...

EU Borders at Breaking Point as Migrants Shipped to Frontier
This blog has always tried to point out to the lefties who screech about “open borders” that the European Union commitment to free movement of Labour only applies to citizens of EU member states moving withing the Union. They are closed minded and bigoted on the subject of course, “open borders” facilitating the movement of hundreds of millions of uneducated third world peasants to the developed nations is one of the sacred cows of their ideologically driven agenda ... Continue reading

February 2020

U.N. Chief Guterres Wants To Redistribute Power & Wealth and Fight ‘Gender Inequality’http://www.greenteethmm.com/equality-women-united-nations.shtml
That The United Nations Organisation has ambitions to become a world government is well known, this site and many others have reported it's moves and agendas for years. Now it seems the U.N. has become part of thatcabal of supra - national bureaucracies and, to borrow a line from a Paul Simon song, loose affiliations of millionaires and billionaires such as The Bilderberg Group and the World Economic Forum. Their latest move to impose cultural uniformity on the world however, is only going to lose them credibility

Physicists accidentally stumble upon mind-blowing new material
American physicists believe that they have discovered a strange state of matter entirely new to science. uSch unintentional breakthroughs never seem to happen anymore. Western university-industrial complexes are burdened with paperwork, and huge resources are devoted to ethical and health and safety requirements. These modern innovations have their benefits, of course, but they do have a major downside ...

Via TruePublica.org, 26 February, 2010

Google (corporate motto: don't be Evil, that's our job,)is planning a move that will force ir's British its British users to agree that their accounts be moved out of the regulatory jurisdiction of European Union privacy regulators, instead placing them under US jurisdiction instead, the company confirmed on 19 February. The move is intended to prevent the UK government from acting to protect UK internet users' data after the nation separates from the EU at the end of 2020.

A deadly sickness is sweeping across Ethiopia – and no one knows how or why it came to be

For most of this month the news has been full of the coronavirus outbreak in China, and the possibility this will turn into a pandemic like the Spanish flu' outbreak in 1919 which killed millions of people worldwide. First we need to allay freas spread by scaremongering propaganda aimed at diverting public scrutiny for several very unpleasant and undemocratic agendas currently being implemented by the ruling elites ...

VW Audi Suspends Electric Vehicle Production Due To Battery Shortage
Today in “news that affects all electric vehicle manufacturers”, Audi has announced that it has suspended production of its e-Tron electric SUV effective February 20 and won’t resume untilfurther notice. The suspension has been a resolve of “resolving production issues”, which are mainly attributed to bottlenecks in battery supply, according to Business Insider.

Worst polluting coal and wood fires banned in fight to cut emissions
Domestic coal and certain types of wood are to be banned from sale from next year in a bid to cut air pollution, ministers will announce on Friday.

Macron Vows to Fight ‘Islamist Separatism’ with New Reforms

French President Emmanuel Macron has declared his government will fight against “Islamist separatism” with reforms including ending residency for foreign imams.


Switzerland’s environmental agency announces national moratorium on 5G
This blog has warned about the health risks of 5G wireless technology before, almost from the moment it was announced people who understand this technology (and two out of the three of us do,) have been saying that while there is always a risk from electro – magnetic radiation, with earlier technologis it was easily manageable if a loittle common sense was deployed. The exponentially higher intensity of 5G frequencies however, takes the health risks to humans to a whole different level.

Criminal damage in Cambridge reveals the police soft peddaling on Extinction Rebellion crimes Nobody is allowed to walk on the grass outside Trinity College Cambridge. I suppose an exception might be made if you were a 365-year-old don who once lolled under the famous apple tree with Sir Isaac Newton (probably a couple of those old fellows still holed up in the port cellar).

Otherwise, set one foot on that sacred turf and you will soon find yourself experiencing the full force of Newtonian gravity; rugby-tackled to the ground by a puce-faced porter in a bowler hat.

Germany's ruling party split over how to respond to AfD
Germany's Christian Democrat party (CDU) is as deeply divided as Britain's Labour Party over how to respond to the upsurge of nationalism. Facing a serious challenge from the nationalist (but not far right please, they are not that,) Alternative for Germany party (AFD) the CDU seems pitifully unprepared for departure of the Chancellor Merkel at a point when Germany its facing most serious political and economic crisis for decades.

Afer EU Engineered Hiatus Italy Heading For New Elections?
Matteo Salvini's Lega are by far the most popular political party in Italy and have been for some time, only a stitch up engineered by the Brussels bureaucracy has kept them out of power. But Brussels determination to prevent any Eurosceptic party becoming part of a governing coalition in any member state reveals the true, authoritarian nature of the European Union.

Sweden dystopia omnibusSwedish Communist Party: The Left Has Abandoned the Working Class For Migrants & LGBT issues
Are the left getting it at last? Is the message sinking in that the grass roots movements have been infiltrated and hijacked by middle class intellectuals. Are they starting to realise that the obsession with identity politics has supplanted income inequality, housing availability, jobs and the cost of living ... ?

Is the World Health Organization involved in biological warfare research?
Dr. Francis Boyle, a professor of international law, talked in a recent interview with about the Wuhan coronavirus now sweeping through the far east, laboratory in Wuhan, China, where the genetically modified virus appears to have originated, and the World Health Organization’s (WHO) clandestine involvement in biological warfare research ...Continue reading

13-year-old fights school policy allowing ‘trans girls’ into girls’ changing room February 7, 2020 (Paul Smeaton, LifeSiteNews) – A 13-year-old UK girl is taking her local council to court after it issued guidance that would allow boys who identify as “transgender girls” to access girls’ bathrooms, changing rooms, and dormitory rooms on student trips.
The guidance was issued last year as part of the Oxfordshire County Council’s “Trans Inclusion Toolkit for School 2019” project.

RACIST BRITAIN: ‘Black Studies’ Professor Says British Empire Was Worse Than Nazi GermanyBritain’s first professor of “Black Studies”, (yes you can get a Mickey Mouse degree from Toytown University in Black Studies,) who is aquiring quite a reputation for uttering ‘hate speech’ against Britain and white people in general, has now opined the British Empire did “far more harm” than Hitler’s Germany, and branded “whiteness” a “... Continue reading”.

Big Pharma billionaire charged with conspiracy and bribery of doctors
Not long ago it would have been inconceivable that one day a Big Pharma company founder and owner would be arrested for running a criminal drug cartel, but that is exactly what happened a few days ago. “Federal authorities arrested the billionaire founder and owner of Insys Therapeutics Thursday on charges of bribing doctors and pain clinics into prescribing the company’s fentanyl product to their patients ...

Coronavirus Contains “HIV Insertions”: Claim Stokes Fears Over Genetically Modified BioweaponFor the past two weeks mainstream media reporting of the epidemic of a new strain of coronavirus in China has been getting more and more hysterical. However, reports have pushed back against one "conspiracy theory" about the origins of the virus that has now infected as many as 70,000+ people in the central China city of Wuhan alone (depending on whom you believe).

Corona Virus: Should We Worry
The official data coming out of China and from other sources including the World Health Organisation (WHO) on the spread of the Wuhan coronavirus continues to suggest an exponential growth rate. With more and more infectious disease experts are now openly calling the virus a full-blown global pandemic, many people are asking should we in the west be worried and how bad might things get?

The Islamic Republic Of France
France’s left-wing elite are accused of cowardice for failing to support 16-year-old girl facing death threats after she insulted Islam online, the ruling class have been also accused of cowardice for failing to support a 16-year-old girl who has faced death threats after she allegedly insulted Islam online.

Clinton Kill List To Determine Who Will Be US 2020 Presidential Candidate?
And then, in accordance with Murphy’s law, which states just when you think things can’t get any worse, they do, Hillary Clinton has emerged, having found what she obviously thinks is a sure – fire route to the presidency, to offer her services as vice presidential candidate to whoever wins the nomination. And just to show how far The Democrats are removed from reality, many leading figures in the party and the left leaning media think it’s a good idea.

January 2020

Coronavirus Contains “HIV Insertions”: Claim Stokes Fears Over Genetically Modified Bioweapon
The theory that China obtained the coronavirus via a Canadian research program, and started molding it into a bioweapon at the Institute of Virology in Wuhan before it somehow escaped could be an attempt by the establishment (the Davosocracy,) to spread fear and panic as they see resurgent nationalism across the developed world and growing scepticism about

Italy most likely member to quit the EU and demand independence after Brexit -shock poll 23:01 (11 pm) 31 January, the United Kingdom is no longer part of the European Union.

Throughout the day, the last on which the UK will be a member of the European Union, more than 7,000 people took part in an online, and completely meaningless except as a gesture, poll which asked which nation they thought would be next to leave the 27 member bloc ...

US Democratic Party Orders Google To Spread Globalist Propaganda
The U.S. House of Representatives Select Committee on the Climate Crisis has demanded, in a letter to Google CEO Sudar Pichai that the Internet Search giant demonetize climate skeptics, and provide 'education' to millions of people who have been exposed to “dangerous misinformation”. Key actions demanded of Google by The Democrats are:

Time is NOT real: Physicists show EVERYTHING happens at the same time

The concept of time is simply an illusion made up of human memories, everything that has ever been and ever will be is happening RIGHT NOW. That is the theory according to a group of esteemed physicists who aim to solve one of the universe’s mysteries.
Most people do not even consider the concept of time but there is nothing in the laws of physics to state that it should move in the forward direction that we know. The laws of physics are symmetric ultimately meaning that time could have easily moved in a backward direction as it does forward. Indeed some adherents to the ‘big crunch’ theory say time WILL run backwards when the universe stops expanding and starts contracting back in on itself.

The BBC is panicking at the public’s rejection of its arrogant Left-liberal worldview
This is nearly over – this weird disconnect between what most of us understand as reality and the world as seen through the eyes of an all pervasive Authority that was apparently appointed (although we never knew by whom) to establish the limits of public discourse. The crisis of confidence at the BBC – and make no mistake, it is a full blown, all alarm bells ringing, catastrophic crisis ...

The grooming gang cover-up is Britain’s real racism scandal

Forget pathetic 'Princess Pushy' Megan Markle petulantly playing the race card when she found life in the goldfish bowl occupied by Britain's Royal Family was not to her liking, the grooming gang cover up is Britain's racist scandal - and it is far worse than the trivialities that get American libtards screaming about "White Privilege ..."

John McCain’s Widow Comments on Jeffrey Epstein’s Sex Trafficking ChargesJohn McCain’s Widow Comments on Jeffrey Epstein’s Sex Trafficking Charges


Speaking at a human trafficking event in Florida, McCain revealed that her family was quite familiar with Epstein’s wrongdoings as one girl from her daughter’s high school was actually among the financier’s underage victims, then suddenly acknowledging that she “knew” about his crimes.
More posts:

French Intellectual Jailed for Calling Mass Immigration an “Invasion”
French intellectual Renaud Camus (above) has been conditionally sentenced to 2 months imprisonment for arguing that mass immigration in Europe represents an “invasion.” Summit.news reports: The writer, who is the author of Le Grand Remplacement (The Great Replacement), was charged with “public incitement to hate or violence on the basis of origin, ethnicity, nationality, race or religion.”

“Hard” Of Hearing? PornHub Being Sued By Deaf Man For Lack Of Subtitles
We read today that sex supermaket site PornHub is being sued by Yaroslav Suris, who has filed a lawsuit claiming that its lack of PornHub’s lack of subtitles for the hard of hearing is discriminatory. Suris’ bone of contention is that the website violates his rights under the Americans With Disabilities Act, according to showbiz gossip site TMZ, which broke the story ...

Quitaly Back On As Salvini Prepares To Take On The EU
While the bureaucraps of Brussels were still congratuating themselves on forcing Matteo Salvini’s Lega party out of Italy’s governernment, mainstream media barely bothered to cover the news that Lega won the state elections in Umbria towards the end of October 2019. Thus the story that should have had Europhiles like Emmanuel Macron and Guy Verhofshit crapping themselves was barely noticed.

Police Failed To Act Against Muslim Grooming Gang Due To Fears Over "Community Tensions" A new report based on the evidence of former Grester Manchester Police Detective Constable Maggie Oliver acknowledges that the force failed to stop dozens of girls being groomed and sexually exploited by a network of Pakistani men despite being fully aware of what was happening due to fears over creating “community tensions.” The report notes that the instruction to avoid prosecuting came "right from the top ..."

Asian grooming gang given free pass to rape; police officers told ‘find other ethnicities’ to investigate – detective.
A report published today, authored by child protection specialist Malcolm Newsam CBE and former senior police officer Gary Ridgway, comes following the reopening of an investigation into the death of 15-year-old Victoria Agoglia, who – after years of abuse and days after she was injected with heroin by a 50-year-old man – died in hospital of an overdose in 2003.

Greta Thunberg Slams Australia for Coal Industry, Expands List of Climate Demands
Little Greta Thunberg, who was elected by nobody apparently now speaks for us all on matters relating to climate change. The Swedish climate change hustler who is making a fortune for her handlers from donations to her campaign, again castigated Australia for continuing to mine and export coal despite her previous complaints, adding a call for an end worldwide to the actibity to her list of climate demands to be delivered at the upcoming World Economic Forum in Davos ...

Macron Digs In Against The General Strike, But Could It Finish Him?
As the French braces itself for the latest wave of protests and strikes across the country, as attitudes harden against President Emmanuel Macron's pension and retirement system reforms. Karel Vereycken, vice-president of France's Solidarity and Progress Party, has given his version what's behind the recent wave of strikes and why Macron's efforts to calm the situation down are backfiring.


Shock Horror, Scotsman pays 40 for a TENNER
by ianrthorpe
@ 2009-06-15

Is this the end of civilisation as we know it.

Scotsman Stewart Smith says he was stunned when having dropped a 10 note in the street he was slapped with a 50 for littering. Stewart, 36, said he did not realise he had dropped the note and a price tag after buying a 3 T-shirt from a charity shop. Two nearby bobbies immediately told him to pick his cash up off the pavement which he did gladly, thanking them for pointing out his loss. He was gobsmacked when the coppers then handed him a fixed penalty notice for LITTERING.

Not only is Stewart 40 light, he now has the unwelcome distinction of being the only Scotsman ever to pay above face value for a banknote.

What next? Church congregations charged with hate crimes because their hymn singing can be heard my Muslims out in the street? Football supporters fined for causing noise pollution. People accused of causing environmental damage after mowing their lawns?



Sex On The Beach Dire warnings in the tabloids today about the perils of having sex on the beach when holidaying abroad this summer.

Boggart Blog's fatsally has a few tips to help you enjoy your alfresco rumpy pumpy without getting arrested / infected / drowned

Sex On The Beach
Peacock Rescue
special corrspondent

13 June 2009

I dont watch Springwatch any more. Bill Oddie has moved on so there is little chance of seeing a bearded tit and no matter who presents the show it will never top the classic moment a couple of years ago when a heartbreakingly cute fluffy little baby owl burst out of the eggshell and was straightaway jumped on and swallowed whole by an elder sibling.



Life On Mars, A Guide To Modern Policing
by fatsally
2009-06-11

It seems just as some people thought Kevin Turvey, investigative journalist, aka Rik Mayall; and Alan Partridge, radio DJ and chat show host, aka Steve Coogan, were real people, so some officers in the Met appear to have thought Life on Mars was a guide to good policing techniques.

Apparently two gentlemen of Nigerian extraction, funny that, claim that one was waterboarded, just like in Guantanamo Bay, and the other had his head shoved down the toilet whilst the officer holding him pulled the chain.

The problem with this of course is that the story has got out.

Obviously the alleged victims were not scared enough; that wouldn't have happened back in Gene's day. So, as a special treat, some more advice for the boys in blue from DCI Gene Hunt:
A signed confession covered in the signatories blood will not stand up in court.
And of course you mustn't forget to read them their rights:
Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you choke to death.
All right Lads? Get it right next time.



Transparency As Clear As Mud
by fatsally
2009-06-10

Gordon Brown survived the PLP meeting on Monday evening, when several leading figures in the party told him to go, by bullying; do you want a minister to help you campaign come the general election?, smearing and crawling.

His particular crawl, which I am sure I've heard before from him, was that he would learn from his mistakes, be aware of his weaknesses and try to govern in a more open manner.

36 hours later The Telegraph headlines that despite Sir Christopher Kelly's contention that its findings should be made public, the inquiry by the Commitee for Standards in Public Life into the financial arrangements of Shahid Malik, Mp for Bradford, former Justice Minister and now re-appointed to a post in the Communities and Local government department, old Gordi has refused the release of the report. Transparency that's as clear as mud.

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It's The Sausages Stupid
The European federalisation lobby sneer at suggestions that Bureaucrats in Brussels want to regulate British sausages and standardise on the Eurosausage model. But Bureaucractic regulatory schemes never die, they are just put into suspended animation.

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The Adventures Of A Deranged Call Centre Worker
by ianrthorpe
2009-06-08

No time to blog today as I have been busy with technical stuff (the other might be along later.) In the meantime you might like to look at the new strip cartoon posted at Greenteeth Multi Media today.

Christopher Walkden - Customer Service Clerk

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The Art of Cheating?
by cleohart
2009-06-07

Art in this day and age can refer to pretty much anything. I heard recently that a gallery in New York awarded a top cash prize to an artist who produced what was basically a pin-the-tailon-the-donkey (and yes, its interactive, you can move the tail!) from a childs birthday party, but he attached some deep and meaningful bollocks to it to give it substance, and now hes probably laughing his tits off. But somewhere in between the great masters and the talentless piss takers, there lies a grey area: blind photographer. Oh yes, in California they are having a whole exhibition of work from many blind photographers. Now, I dont have anything against the blind, and if taking photos really floats their boat then snap away. What I do take issue with is the blind person taking all the credit as the artist. They cant see fully, if at all, their composition; they dont really know if it turns out how they wanted. Oh, yeah, they have the concept, the image of what they want in their mind. But this will have to be described to another person and set up with all the props or whatever is required, which may or may not be exactly what the photographer had in mind, but well never know, and neither will the photographer. I have a similar issue with the Paralympics. Again, nothing to do with the athletes disability, more the fact that the blind, short distance runners (up to 800m) are assigned a guide runner and 2 lanes; one for the athlete, one for the guide runner. But the medal goes to the athlete. What about the guide runner? Surely they will have had to train as hard, run as fast, break a Paralympics world record if the athlete breaks one? Its a bit like the school bully getting the school swot to do his homework for him.

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The Apprentice Prime Minister
fatsally
2009-06-07

News that Prime Minister Gordon Brown has appointed Sir Alan Sugar, anchorman of reality television show The Apprentice to his cabinet team as Labour's small business tsar makes us wondr just what king of showbiz government is Brown running Or is the decision perhaps based on the knowledge that Labour will be seking to appoint a new leader very soon. As the party's internal elections process failed so disastrously last time perhaps Surgar will lead a new selection method.



Will Labours Top Totty Topple Gordon?
by ianrthorpe
2009-06-06

The resignation of Labour top totty Caroline Flint must have come as something of a surprise to Gordon Brown and his dwindling band of supporters. As recently as Thursday evening curvaceous Caro was reaffirming her loyalty to Gordon Brown and telling television reporters what an excellent job the Prime Minister was doing.

It was something of a shock on Friday then to here the lissom Labour babe had resigned her ministerial position alleging that Brown regarded her as no more than window dressing for the cabinet. What had happened overnight to make everything go pear shaped in the pulchritudinous politicians working relationship with her boss?

Boggart Blog can exclusively reveal the true story behind Foxy Ms. Flints resignation. Our Downing Street insider obtained a copy of an e-mail sent out on Friday morning:

From: gordon@no10
To : caro.flint@labour

Caroline,
You have done a wonderful job as Minister for sexy skirts but now, in the partys hour of need I must ask you to take one extra step. Obviously today will be a dire day for Labours standing in the public perception as the election results come in and our losses pile up.

We desperately need something to divert the attention of the media from our election meltdown. That being the case I have arranged for a photographer from The Sun to call at your place around 11:30 this morning. It is time to get your tits out for the cause.

BTW I would consider it a personal favour if you could wear black stocking with lacy tops.

Very Best Regards,
Gordon.

LEAVING LABOURS sorrows aside for the moment, although Im sure we will return to it, Boggart Blog has been warming to UKIP. Why, you might well ask. Well read this passage from a report in The Guardian of a visit to UKIP HQ.

...and then there is an extrovert, middle aged skinhead wearing jeans and shades.

So youre from The Guardian? he says, full of bonhomie, My brother used to work for The Guardian. Thats the good news. The bad news is I hate him, hes a fucking twat. We said to him the way youre going youll end up working for The Guardian. And he did too, the fucking twat.

Can you imagine The head Of Communications & Media for Labour, the Conservatives or the Lib Dems ever being that entertaining.

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Boggart Blog - Undertakers Unlucky Plates Of Meat
Read how an undertaker tried to take a short cut to solve a problem and ended up footing the bill.



Exclusive Interview with Susan Boyle's Cat Pebbles
by fatsally
2009-06-05

Following the sad news of Britain's Got Talent Star Susan Boyle suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of media pressure following her success we bring you an exclusive interview with Susan's cat Pebbles.



Be Careful What You Wish For...
by fatsally
2009-06-02

Oh How those Greek deities up there on Mount Olympus must be chortling away.

Millennia have passed since they were worshipped and feared by the people of Ancient Greece, their temples abandoned to the ravages of time and tourists, their noble statues emasculated in the name of decency, the oracles through which they spoke, silenced.

But gods are wiser than men. They have patiently bided their time.

And now, it appears, they are back with a vengeance.

It is the Greek gods who inspired the term,

"BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR"

and so it comes to pass.

Susan Boyle wanted to be famous, but celebrity in the hands of today's media is a double edged sword and where the press lauded the wee spinster's singing talent they also alighted on her apparent breakdown as the final to BGT drew closer, circling like vultures to record her humiliation of failure and subsequent incarceration at a mental health clinic.

That, of course, could just be a mere coincidence, however there are further instances.

Gordon Brown desperately wanted to be leader of the Labour Party....

The Labour party desperately wanted rid of Tony Blair...

Be careful what you wish for...

RELATED POSTS: The Gods Return To Olympus

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Knife Crime Is No Joke
by Ian R Thorpe

2009-06-02

We are a comedy blog but sometimes comedy, in its theatrical sense, is not about being silly and looking for cheap laughs. No apologies then for being darkly ironic in todays first post.

An item in this mornings news concerned a police/education department initiative to show in schools a video depicting reconstructions of fatal stabbing incidents. The idea is to inform school children about the possible consequences of carrying knives.

Excuse is for seeming nave but it is possible, is it not, that the message school pupils will pick up on is the danger of not having a knife when everyone else is carrying?



Is It A Bird, Is It A Plane? No It's Supergordon!
by fatsally
2009-06-02

As the government goes into meltdown and the economic situation worsens can anybody save Britain now? King Arthur? Merlin? Cometh the hour, cometh the man an old saying goes. but where is our super hero when we most need him. Has Supergordon deserted us or will he return to save the nation?

Supergordonalso appears on Boggart Blog



Breaking news - Britain's Got Talent Senstation!
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-06-01

The story has just landed on the Boggart Blog news desk and we cnnot conform the details yet but we are hearing some senational revelations about Britain's Got Talent runner up Susan Boyle.

You are probably aware Susan was taken to the Priory Clinic when her erratich behaviour led the shows producers to think she was uffering from nervous exhaustion and tabloid journalists to report she was stark raving bonkers in the head.

Several fould mouthed outbursts had led to suspicions Sunan was not the homely spinster who had led a very quiet life that publicists suggested.

What we are hearing now goes way further than that though, and we must remind you these are unsubstantiated allegations so far. Our people inside the Priory are telling us though that Susan was not always Susan. The shaving rash should have been a bit of a clue. What we are hearing is that before gender reassignment surgery around ten years ago Susan Boyle was known to the world as....

RAB. C. NESBIT.

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800 On Waiting List For Death Clinic
by Ian R Thorpe
31 May 2009 Can Things Get Any Worse?

A headline in one of the Sunday papers today read 800 Britons on waiting list for Swiss suicide clinic.

It was not the number that shocked so much as learning there are waiting lists for suicide clinics. Have things really go so bad?

Well maybe a story at The Daly Stirrer which takes in this news item, the story of the mother declsared too stupid to care for her child despite not having mental health issues and having a supportive family and there not being any indication that she might abuse, neglect or ill-treat the child will make you wonder just how far Labour's control freakery has progressed.

Or it might take the plan to compel everybody over 50 to take drugs for high blood pressure whether individuals need them or not to convince you we need to take back control of our country and our lives from the control freaks.

Go to
Can Things Get Any Worse now to read the full article.



Boycotting Britain's Got Talent
by Ian R Thorpe
30 May 2009

Tonight I will rob myself of several good posts over the next few days by boycotting Britain's Got Talent. Why?

Because not only is the final crammed with dance acts, child acts and dancing child acts, there also is not very much talent evident.

Susan Boyle has a wonderful singging voice, sadly it turns out she has, through no fault of her own, a number of issues. These may even include a mild dose of tourette's syndrome. I can't really imagine somebody going down well at the Royal Variety Show after singing "Don't cry for me FUCK OFF! Argentina, the truth is WANK! I never left you."

The precocious child who sang I Could have Danced All Night in an earlier show appeared to fall apart while singing Eidelweiss. Maybe she is not ready for such a big occasion. Or perhaps she was having a little tantrum at being given such a shitty song to sing.

The stupendous talent of D.J. Talent will be sorely missed in the final. Who could ever forget his moving and insightful lyric:
I say talent
You say talent
Britain's Got Talent
It's D.J. Talent

You just can't ignore talent like that.

Also missing will be the extreme juggler who promised to juggle exploding melons failed to do so. He blamed Health and Safety Officers who banned the exploding melons as they posed a risk to life and limb. Funny but the health and Safety Thought Police has no problem with the all girl dance group or the Burlesque danger though both acts featured melons being if not juggled, certainly jiggled.

Another act that deserved more exposure was the guy who put butchers hooks through his ear lobes and dangled a dustbin from them. I mean literlly more exposure. There used to be an act in Circus Arcaos who stripped off behind a screen and, seen only in silhouette, dangled a 56 pound weight from his bollocks. That would have livened things up. We need more acts like him on television.

But what really pissed me off was the elimination of Callum, the kid who did songs from Oliver and Jungle Book. I'm not a fan of musicals but young Callum has a great voice, natural stagecraft and an infectiously jolly personality. And most importantly real, genuine talent.

And he isn't even in the effing final.

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Labour Party Turns Into Dad's Army
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-29

Our news desk is receiving reports that a record number of Labour MPs have applied for seats in the House Of Lords in the hope they will be able to stay on the expenses gravy train without having to face the electorate in a few months.

In the wake of the expenses scandal and the Gurka fiasco a mood of despondency has descended on the whole party.

Even Gordon Brown's best mate Ed (the ball) Balls can't see any lihght at the end of the tunnel. He told a press conference "Governing parties tend to do badly in local and European elections. That is what will happen to Labour next week.

Other senior Labour figures put it more bluntly. "We're doomed, we're all doomed" said one, echoing Private Fraser from Dad's Army.

Can't wait for the bit where Hazel Blears (4'10") draws herself up to her full height, looks at Gordon Brown and says, "Stupid boy."

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Cold Case People keep some very strange stuff in their freezers

In Memory Of Scandals Past They don't make political scandals like they used to.

Is Top Footballer The Boy Detective From a 1960s Comic Strip
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-28

I was still reading comics at the start of the 1960 so I write from authentic memories as nothing in the world of pre pubescent and adolescent boys changed much between the end of World War 2 and the mid 1970s.

So there I was watching the footy last night and reflecting on what it is about Christian Ronaldo I find slightly disturbing. And it came to me in one of those flashes of cosmic consciousness in which the mind transcends the physical limitations of time and space.

Ronaldo reminds me of one of those badly drawn characters, a boy-detective or boy-reporter or something that featured in Hotspur, Rover, Wizard and the rest. You know the guy, his sidekick was always a Border Collie. The plot of these stories was the same every week: badly drawn boy reporter / detective / secret agent gets into a bad situation, the dog sorts it out and the stupid kid gets the credit. Then a fat posh bloke in a top hat pops up and says "you and your dog saved the day, here's ten shillings to get yourself a slap up tea."

We shall perhaps never know what happened to the Border Collie. Pity, United could have done with it in midfield last night.



Sheep Burp, Cows Fart And The Government Has Pie In The Sky
by fatsally
2009-05-26

Given the success of previous campaigns which aimed to alter the public's artery clogging, alcohol abusing, binge drinking, chain smoking, obesity inducing, unsafe shagging promiscuous lifestyles; and also given that this Government now finds itself with loads of money on its hands after the MP's expenses debacle, and what with no incompetantly run banks left to bail out, our elected members have decided to launch a campaign to get us to eat less beef and lamb and more chicken and pork.

The rationale behind this latest glorious waste of taxpayer's money is that cows and sheep fart and burp a lot, respectively, whereas pigs and chickens don't fart and burp to the same extent.

When the cows are farting and the sheep are burping they are releasing vast quantities of methane into the atmosphere and so really, despite us humans driving around in cars; using central heating when it's cold; using air conditioning when it's warm; flying away to sushine paradises all year round; lighting up our patio heaters and barbecues whilst we singe a sausage or two and get quietly sloshed, causing us to burp and fart more; import exotic fruits and vegetables to gently decay in our state of the art fridges; consume vast quantities of designer water neatly packaged in plastic bottles which we then chuck in the bin, or better still out of the car window; whilst we consume more, becoming ever larger and rounder and consequently producing more emissions ourselves - global warming is not our fault.

Government advisers are developing menus to counteract climate change apparently. Pretentious or what?

Anyway some devout bods are busy calculating the carbon footprint of food and drink products.

So lamb and beef ar off the menu and surprise surprise so is alcohol. Greenhouse grown tomatoes are also a no no, but funnily enough coca cola and chocolate aren't.

Hmmm I think they've still got some way to go on this one. Or maybe they have some party supporters with large chequebooks who happen to be in the soft drinks and confectionary trade. Who knows?

Anyway the message is clear and we will, of course respond in our usual British fashion and completely ignore it and carry on as we were.

RELATED POSTS:
Dr Strangelove's Secret Bacon Butty Weapon
It is not that long since Government Scientists (cue opening chords from Bach's Toccata and Fuge) were telling us how eating pork and bacon would give us all cancer.



HMS Discovery: the BNP's Election Battleship?
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-22

It seems the decision of The London Assembly to invite BNP councillor Richard Barnbrook to The Queens Buck House garden party was a bit of a faux pas especially as Barnbrook decided to take along as his guest BNP leader Nick Griffin. About the only person who was pleased by this was Prince Phil the Greek who is absolutely delighted and is rumoured to have commented in private, At last there will be somebody there with whom I can have a nice chat about wogs, coons and slitty eyed little yellow bastards.

Palace officials are worried however that Her Maj may find it difficult to make small talk with Barnbrook and Griffin. Imagine:
Equerry: Richard Barnbrook and Nick Griffin Mam.
Queen: Hello, its so nice to meet you, and what o you do?
BNP boys: Were racists Mam.
Queen: Really, how very interesting.

The officials need fear not. Although the pair are capable of turning the most vacuous banalities into propaganda Her Maj, who has spent a lifetime opening art galleries, museums, exhibitions, theatres and civic centres will be safe if she sticks to the arts. Richard Barnbrook you see is a film director who specialises in low budget art house movies. his best known film to date is titled HMS Discovery.

Despite the title it is not a film about life on one of the ships used in Captain Cooks voyages of exploration or a ripping yarn about George Vancouvers mapping expedition to the west coast of Canada. It is much more arty than that. Blurbs describe HMS Discovery as a sensitive love story in which a group of men embark on a personal voyage to explore their sexuality. The plot features full frontals of aroused men, scenes of al fresco sex, mutual masturbation, flagellation and bondage. If Her Majesty runs out of chat about all this surely she will find many topics to talk about with another old queen.

Some people have described HMS Discovery as pure pornography. Just shows how far people will go to discredit the BNP.

BTW, the leader of the ultra macho, head-shaving, West ~ham shirt wearing BNP is going to a party as the escort of a man who makes gay porn movies (oops pardon, I meant sensitive love stories.) What's that all about?

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Rich Bankers
by fatsally
2009-05-21

I've just had an interesting conversation with a chap from my bank.

And it is my bank, and yours too, we're majority share holders I believe, because my bank took on millions of pounds worth of debt from people who couldn't afford to pay and had to come and ask our representatives in Parliament for a handout of our money. So the money the bank has is mine anyway, right?

So they wanted to charge me 21 for going 12 overdrawn for a maximum 16 hours. That's fair innnit?

I used to have a 1000 overdraft facility but they had decided that as I didn't use it I didn't need it.

They were supposed to revue that in April, but hey ho, for some reason they decided to change it in March, and then guess what, a direct debit for 92 went out the day before a payment of 80 went in.

So there I am trying to get the overdraft facility back, not a grand though, but 100 maybe, just to be on the safe side. And what did the chappie tell me?

I couldn't have an overdraft greater than the regular payments going into the account, so 50 was the maximum I could get. Apparently they're worried I might not pay them back.

Neatly overlooking the feeling amongst us taxpayers that we won't get our money back and it's a sight more than 12. He suggested that I put say 200 into that account each month, then I'd get a 100 overdraft, but as I only spend 120 from that account each month I wouldn't need one would I?

I aked if I was in credit whether the bank would pay me a 15 arrangement fee and 6 per day in charges for every day I was in credit but he thought I was being silly.

That's rich coming from a banker.

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Labour MPs Food Bill: Fat Cat or Fat Bastard. More Bad News For Conservatives.
by ianrthorpe
2009-05-19

We would like to move on from the MPs expenses scandal, we really would but the stories that keep being revealed present satirical bloggers with such wide open goals it would be a crime to miss them (unless you are a Newcastle United striker in which case it is par for the course,)

The latest blow to Labours political credibility comes from chief whip and the Prime Ministers enforcer Nick Brown (no relation) who, news media have revealed claimed 18,000 in unreceipted expenses for food. Unreceipted means he was not eating in expensive restaurants but was either pigging out on junk from fast food places or buying multiple trolleyloads of stuff down the supermarket.

How does anyone spend eighteen grand on food? Even if he only shops at Waitrose thats a lorra scran. And how hypocritical are these people, always banging on about how evil it is to be overweight and how obesity is dragging the country towards bankruptcy. Its not as if those greedy buggers are all borderline anorexic is it?

Still, on the plus side anyone who eats that much food would not need to claim for manure to spread on his garden.

But it is not just Labour that keep scoring own goals. With knobheads like Gloucester candidate Richard Graham the Conservatives are not home and hosed yet.

Richard posted on his website a copy of a letter sent to The Times (perhaps our resident Times reader fatsally can tell us whether it was printed exactly as written.) The message Richard sent is reproduced below: verbatim.

For anyone aspiring to be an MP its been pretty depressing to see how ridiculed politicians have become. You are all the same is the cry on the doorstep but of course we are not even if the Telegraph has unearthed a lot of bad apples, and it was reassuring yesterday and today to meet people who realised that and just want to see some honesty and hard work from their cunt.

Queried on this Richard said he was tired when he typed the item and it should have read councillor.

So leaving aside the grammatical shortcomings and the intriguing reference to unearthing apples (perhaps he was thinking of pommes de terre) it remains to be established if Mr. Graham is a lousy typist or simply illiterate.

The voters of Gloucester will decide.

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Shock! Horror! You Mean It Wasn't True? by fatsally
2009-05-19

Little Alfie Patten, thirteen going on seven year old, is said to be devastated that DNA tests have proved he is not the father of 'girlfriend' Chantelle Stedman's daughter, Maisie.

Alfie claimed, or at least whoever was manipulating him did, that he had been going out with Chantelle for two years, that she had been a virgin and that he was the only boy she had slept with.

However there then followed a parade of teenaged boys claiming that they had slept with Chantelle, at her home, with her mother's knowledge and implicit consent.

A bit like that scene in Spartacus really.

"I slept with Chantelle nine months ago."

"I slept with Chantelle nine months ago."

"I slept with Chantelle nine months ago."

It was at this point that social sevices stepped in, right on the ball, as usual, and an injunction was obtained banning any more reporting on the story. DNA samples were taken from all the boys involved and it now turns out that a lad called Tyler Barker is the father. Tyler would have been fourteen at the time of conception, which is really a tad young to be doing anything more than sniggering over your Dad's secret porn pile, wouldn't make half such a good story.

He also looks like a typical teenager, spiky hair, cheeky grin, a bit of a twinkle in his eye, not nearly as interesting as the almost infantesque Alfie.

Makes you wonder about the motivation for bringing the story of Alfie and Chantelle onto the front pages really, doesn't it? Was it public interest or was it the lure of The Sun's chequebook and the chance for the infamous fifteen minutes of fame.

Suffice to say I'm sure anyone with half a brain was, like Boggartblog, extremely sceptical of the claim in the first place.

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Revenge On The Trouser Snake A word of warning to the boys, we know you have to sit on the loo, but it could be best to look before you dump. A chap went off to the loo, presumably with the Sunday paper for a nice, long, commune with nature...

CLICK HERE to read Revenge On The Trouser Snake>

Does Multiculturalism Work? (Eurovision Song Contest) by ianrthorpe @ 2009-05-18 18:31:46 Does Multiculturalism work? Three words, Eurovision effing Song Contest. This geriatric schlockfest was one of the first attempts to create a single European culture. The two things it created are a forum in which petty grudges and resentments can be maintained at a low level (when what is really needed

You Can't Keep A Good Nutter Down
Some people just can't help themselves, they have to stand and shout, "LOOK AT ME" any and every chance they get. So it is with defrocked vicar Neil Horan.
He first came to public notice at the Atlanta Olympics when he grabbed the leading runner

Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times? Ooer Missis.
Here in Britain we have not been much aware of the storm that has blown up around the winner of the Miss California beauty contest.
What kicked it all off was this: when contestant Carrie Prejean...
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Fart Flavoured Snacks
We know everything is going to shite but are the British public ready for fart flavoured snacks? This is not traditional farty smelling snacks such as Dry Roast Peanuts we are talking about, they actually taste quite peanutty once the fart sealed inside the bag as a preservative has been released. Neither are we talking about Bombay Mix which provides...
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Escalator Crime Escalates
The Barnsley Chronicle (Town Edition) features pictures on its front page of two elderly gentleman who have apparently had a bit of a coming together with a rogue escalator.
Jack Faulkner, the earliest victim commented, "Someone is going to get killled...
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BNP? You Dont Scare Me, Na-naa na na-naa
Looking beyond the MPs expenses scandal yesterday for the first time in what seems like years I was surprised to find life is still going on out there. One story we missed were the party political broadcasts by lunatic fringe parties for the...
CLICK HERE to read all BNP? You Dont Scare Me, Na-naa na na-naa

The Importance Of Not Losing Your Set A Level Texts
by fatsally
@ 2009-05-15

Drawn back towards consciousness from the depths of dreamland, wither my head nodded over my desk, I peeked around the office door to find the cause of the commotion.

The Apprentice: Margate Falls Into Sere And Yellow Leaf. Not!
by ianrthorpe
2009-05-14
Blind to the credit crunch, deaf to the cries of the dispossessed as hunger bites, oblivious to the Swine Flu, contestants in The Apprentice last night went down to Margate having been given the task of rebranding the tired, tawdry, run down resort. Rebranding, thats when you, like, dont change anything, you just get...
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Unhappy Pills Being unhappy makes people reach for comfort food. Eating comfort food makes people fat. Being fat causes depression, ergo being slim and eating comfort food both make people happy the diet industry reasons. So why not develop a happy pill that stops people getting fat no matter how much confort food they eat? If only life was that simple... CLICK HERE to readUnhappy Pills

Lib Dems Expenses Claims Fail To Impress.
Ian R Thorpe
12 May 2009

The fervid anticipation preceding the release of Liberal Democrats dodgy expenses claims turned into a sense of disappointment today as the embarrassing items we had hoped to see were absent. Where, for example, were the invoices for 5000 gallon tankers of Vodka delivered to Charlie Kennedys second home or the bill for supply of intravenous drip equipment so the former leaders could stay topped up while paralytic?

How did one time leadership contender Mark Oaten conceal the bills for personal services from his rent boy? As maintenance work perhaps: To French Polishing a tallboy, 50 ?

Lembit Opik, whose name we did not make up but wish we had, was also a letdown. His claims had been widely looked forward to but it turned out his only misdemeanour was trying to charge taxpayers 40 court fees for a summons issued over non payment of council tax. While the amount is not spectacular the audacity of trying to get taxpayers to for your tax bill is worth a mention.

In spite of that we have a right to think Lembit short changed us after we treated him so generously. Where were the bills for gold lame knickers he surely bought for his Cheeky Girl inamorata. We have a right to be entertained by such stuff but the Lib Dems let us down. LD Smurf Sarah Treather (49) indulged in a bit of self righteousness by saying it would be ridiculous for her to claim for a second home as her first home, in her constituency, was only half an hour by tube from Westminster. Members in other parties had pulled such stunts though, she said darkly.

Was she by any chance referring to Labour Smurf Hazel Blears (410)? Probably not as Ms Blears constituency is several traffic jams up the M1 and M6 although her many homes are all over the place and seem to change location quite often. It is nice to know the reputation of Parliamentary Smurfs is not totally besmirched. We advise young Sarah not to overdo it though, nobody likes a smug tart.

The only Lib Dem to really impress was former leaders Menzies (Evil Emperor Ming) Campbell who charged ten grand for having his rather small London flat decorated. Ten grand seems a lot to pay for a few rolls of woodchip paper and a can of emulsion paint from Homebase and makes the 82 claimed by current leaders Nick (Shagger) Clegg for phone calls to his mates as in male buddies not his myriad former lovers. To his great credit Clegg claimed 7000 for renovations to his constituency home but the legitimacy of that claim is not in question, in fact Mr Clegg has agreed to repay the 100 over the annual limit he inadvertently claimed. Cleggs 160 per month gardening costs raised a few eyebrows but I can vouch for the expensive nature of garden maintenance having recently paid a hit man 5000 to impale our gardener here at Thorpe towers after he became a bit too enthusiastic about pruning my favourite Buddleia. If only we could, for 5,000, get someone to impale Douglas Hogg or Margaret Moran (Lab. Lootin South) who claimed her partners house in Southampton as the second home when it is further from her Bedfordshire constiuency than her first home or Westminster.

The Liberal Democrats have been enjoying a surge of popularity in recent weeks as the angry punters turned on the main parties. Unfortunately ever since they were just The plain vanilla Liberals has had an unerring knack of turning lacklustre mediocrity into thundering ineptitude just as their rivals were making lacklustre mediocrity look appealing.

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Revenge On The Trouser Snake A word of warning to the boys, we know you have to sit on the loo, but it could be best to look before you dump. A chap went off to the loo, presumably with the Sunday paper for a nice, long, commune with nature...

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The Feeding Of The Fifty Million Conservative and independent critics of the freespending ways of Barack Obama and his Magic band are wondering how the three and a half trillion dollars the new President has already committed itself to spending can possibly...
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The Feeding Of The Fifty Million From A Bag OShite To A Chandelier And Back.
Ian R Thorpe 11 May 2009

Yesterdays report on the Bag OShite MPs expenses scandal concluded with the promise we would bring you further and even more astounding revelations about the bizarre expenses claims made by Members of Parliament.

Today we honour our promise.

Sir Michael Spicer (Con, Rawtenborough South) successfully claimed the cost of having a chandelier hung at his Manor House which he insists is his second home despite its having been in the family for about 3,000 years.

Sir Michael also claimed 5,600 over a period of nine months for gardening costs. The claim is insufficiently detailed for us to discern how much of this was due to labour costs and how much he paid per Bag OShite.

James Arbuthnot (aka The Hon. James Nigel Jeremy Rupert PonsonbyTwat Arbuthnot claimed 2,700 last year for work on trees. Asked if he was aware of the rule stating: Claims must only be made for expenditures necessary to enable members to perform their duties properly, Arbuthnot told our reporter: How dare you question me, you despicable little oik, shouldnt you be down a coal mine or something?

The worst case of abuse of the system so far however is the claim submitted by Douglas Hogg, agriculture secretary in the last Conservative Government. He expected us poor taxpayers to pay for having the moat, YES, MOAT!!! around his castle cleaned.

When challenged by a Boggart Blog reporter about how he could possibly think this was a legitimate expense, this is what he said:

Of course it is fair, Since this wretched Labour government abolished fox hunting the local meet have had to hunt chavs instead. After the hunt they throw the dead bodies in the moat. The stink is becoming intolerable.

Taxpayers also forked out for maintenance work in the stables of Hoggs country home which brings us nicely back to the Bag OShite issue.

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Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-11
The details of MPs dodgy expenses claims continue to land on the Boggart Blog News Desk 24 hours a day. Our reporters are on round the clock alert to bring you...
CLICK HERE to read Senior Conservative Claims Dog Food On Expenses.

Bare Faced Cheek
by fatsally
2009-05-11

It goes from bad to worse for Gordon the Terrible. Having been thoroughly out-manoeuvred by Patsy and her Gurkha friends, the PM spent the weekend reading about his ministers sometimes fanciful expenses claims. Then to cap it all...
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Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag oshite politics.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-11

While we all sit back to watch the news and enjoy the witch hunt of Labour ministers over their eccies, from Jaqui Smiths 89p bath plug to Barbara Follets....
CLICK HERE to read Forget Pork Barrels, this is bag oshite politics.

How Shite Are Sats Tests?
We have had a discussion going on over on Little Nicky Machiavelli about the validity of SATS test, the government's pestilential league tables and the teachers' threat to boycott them. So:
How Shite Are SATS tests?

Surprise! Sex Does Not Sell Computer Games.
You might think computer games are one of the most obvious examples that the adage "sex sells" is not just an advertising industry cliche but a universal truth. Not so, sex does not actually sell computer games - at least not if it is the kind of sex that involves real woment or even realistic looking avatars.



Action Man, Johnny Gurka and Joanna
More on the story of fair treatment for Gurka veterans. They are to get an action man figure

Conspiracy Theory Of The Month - Dumbing Down
Ian Thorpe.

humour, satire education, politics, war

The Conspiracy Theory of the Month feature kicks off with Dumbing Down. A stupid population is a compliant population so what better way for the New World Order brigade to strip people of their rights, liberties and the ability to think for themselves than by first making everybody stupid. The decline of education and its replacement by coaching to examination, the homogenisation of the media, all could be parts of a giant conspiracy to take us back to the days when ordinary people could be sent put in a very deep hole for breaking wind in front of a gentleman. The gentleman had a divine right to fart first.



Holy Hibernation Batman
Ian R Thorpe
6 May 2009
Have the caped crusaders been beaten at last? Will a new disease than has been wiping out bat colonies across America and led to all Bat Caves being closed and boarded up finally put the Dynamic Duo out of action and left the streets of Gotham City without protection from the mendacious miscreants who prey on honest citizens? And what will happen when the disease wiping out bats jumps to humans? It's another opportunity for the government to spread Fear and Panic.



50 Sarko Wants To Emulate The Stink That Was Rome.
Ian R Thorpe
2009-05-01

All politicians lose the plot eventually with the exceptions perhaps of Tony Blair, Margaret Thatcher and Barack (Im President of the whole Universe and everything else besides) Obama all of whom were barking mad on assuming office...
Some are born bonkers, some achieve bonkersness and some have bonkersness thrust upon them as Shakespeare might have said. Though still clinically sane we are assured, French President Nicolas Sarkozy seems to be getting close to the...
To read full post Sarko Wants To Emulate The Stink That Was Rome.CLICK HERE

Cameron, Clegg and Lumley
by ian R Thorpe
2009-04-30
I know they sound like a legal practice in Barnoldswick but Conservative leaders David Cameron, the Liberal Democrats Nick Shagger Clegg and Joanna (Patsy from Absolutely Fabulous) Lumley, still looking absolutely fabulous at sixty something, have been collaboration to embarrass Gordon Brown. Shifty Gordon had tried to shaft the Gurkas, those Nepalese regiments that for historic reasons are part of the British Army. The Gurkas have been asking quite politely for the right to settle in Britain after serving the nation for twenty years in...
To read full post Cameron. Clegg and Lumley CLICK HERE

Anti Ageing Properties of Any Old Gloop Scientifically Proved.
by Ian R Thorpe
2009-04-29
On seeing in the news today that began with the words Boots anti-ageing treatment my first reaction was to turn the page and look for something funny in the Swine Flu coverage. A product to keep boots in pristine condition is probably very welcome to some people but I wear trainers and would have no use for it. To raed full post on The Anti Ageing Properties Of Any Old Gloop CLICK HERE



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