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Fondue Of Terror


The war on terror could be coming to a suburban living room near you very soon as new food related weapons of mass destruction are developed by Al Qaeda. Boggart Blog has already reported on dangerous cheese, exploding gravy, sauces of fear and panic and the soup of death. But now we must bring news of a worse threat.

Fondue Of Terror
by Ian R Thorpe
2008-12-31
CREATIVE COMMONS: Attribute, non commercial, no derivs.
KEYWORDS: fear and panic, terror, new year, detroil, bomb, weapons, obama, gadgets, christmas humour, humor

As the world braces itself for an upsurge in terrorist activity in the wake of the failed Detroit suicide bombing and the USA's retaliatory attacks on Yemen (a case of getting your retaliation in first as the old Rugby League axiom goes) television and the press are focusing on events in the middle east. Boggart Blog has its ear to the ground nearer home and so we are the first to bring news of a terrifying new generation of terror weapons that can bring the activities of groups President Obama has described as "enemies of freedom" right into our comfortable, safe suburban lives. Useless Gadgets of Mass Destruction pose a clear and present danger to us all.

The first incident in which one of these devices was used to attack innocent middle class people took place in Southampton when at an informal Christmas gathering an Improvised Explosive Fondue Set exploded causing numerous cheese sauce related injuries. Senior figure in the security forces warned there will be more such attacks.

“This is just the beginning,” Maj. C. Lee Farquhar told a Boggart Blog reporter, “we in the security services expect to see more attacks involving seemingly innocent domestic appliances. Our intelligence sources tell us terror groups already have deep fat fryers of mass destruction and booby – trapped Breville sandwich toasters capaqble of delivering a lethally hot cheese and tomato toastie to its target within minutes of launch. We suspect Al Qaeda are close to developing a dirty – fat bomb which will spread a fine mist of hydrogenated vegetable oil over heavily populated areas.”

It is part of a concerted effort to destabilise the west by spreading fear and panic.

In a new video message from Al Qaeda headquarters Osama Bin Laden spoke of a Jihadist rocket science cell who, in their secret laboratory in the empty magma chamber of an extinct volcano have developed attack droids by implanting the genetic information from killer beasts into the microprocessors of small appliances. Bin Laden claimed they have successfully grafted the instincts of a Pirhana into a food blender and created a man eating Lean-Mean-Grilling-Machine by implanting genes from a crocodile and Katie Price.

The message indicated these killer appliances are already in Western shops in time for the January sales.

As we wrap up this bulletin, a news is breaking of another attack. We hear a suicide slow cooker being used in a snack van in London’s Leicester Square has exploded near people queuing for the films and theatre, showering thousands with hot soup.

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Fondue Of Terror
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